im confused

[janet]

evening all.
ok so heres the thing im confused about.
if im not mistaken, isnt this a site where chow lovers meet and talk to each other and come to find advice when they need it??????
SO when advice is offered, it should be taken with gratitude, good or bad. if you dont want any, then dont ask.
it disgusts me to come on here and read posts from certain people that dont like the responses that are given to them.(you know who you are) people agree to disagree.thats what makes us humans.. grow the f#$%K up.IF you dont want someones opinion then you shouldnt be on a forum asking for it.no need to get nasty with snide childish remarks. move on.................

[sit_by_the_beach]

I agree Janet. I have given advice and received a not very nice PM. I tread softly now and tend not to post to avoid retribution.

[Layla]

I agree Janet. I have given advice and received a not very nice PM. I tread softly now and tend not to post to avoid retribution.

How charming!

I'd agree Janet, but I'm too busy trying to work out how many shelter puppies I'm supposed to have killed by buying two puppies from breeders. I don't know if my 2 rescues offset any & how about the transport I do for rescue.....

[ChowLady]

I agree janet. If you come on and ask for advice then even if you do not agree with all that is said, take it in your stride and work out the advice you want to listen to and move on. No need to make nasty remarks as people only try to help and even if its not what you think or like, we are all different and have different opinions. At the end of the day its the chows we are here for and they wouldnt like to see humans bickering among themselves over them.

[chow fancier]

I agree Janet. I have given advice and received a not very nice PM. I tread softly now and tend not to post to avoid retribution.

Yes, I would reiterate that it seems like it shouldn't be this difficult to treat each other civilly. I certainly appreciate the advice I've received here and just choose the things that work for me rather than attacking those attempting to help me. It's all about what is best for my chows. Is it better for me to be isolated and have no one to turn to when I have questions/concerns or to come here and hear what many dedicated chow parents suggest, again taking away what works for me and mine and disregarding the rest?

I'd agree Janet, but I'm too busy trying to work out how many shelter puppies I'm supposed to have killed by buying two puppies from breeders. I don't know if my 2 rescues offset any & how about the transport I do for rescue.....

OMG, I certainly missed that interchange. Layla, as you add up your debits and credits, don't forget all the support and advice you offer to those with rescues. I know you helped me when Teddy first joined us. Thank you, BTW. As I start my own balance sheet, I guess I must have killed more because I bought my first two from a backyard breeder, one from each of the two litters they ever bred. I'm sure the health of the breed was the farthest thing from their minds. I also have the 2 rescues and donate to rescue efforts, does that offset my crime? OK, I'll give that that could be interpreted as snippy but I don't know who I'm sniping at so I will just apologize to everyone now. Sorry, I promise to behave better in the future.

[Jeff&Peks]

'd agree Janet, but I'm too busy trying to work out how many shelter puppies I'm supposed to have killed by buying two puppies from breeders. I don't know if my 2 rescues offset any & how about the transport I do for rescue.....

2 from breeders, 2 rescues, equals 6 more rescues. You can make that 4 more, He said 1 bought 2 die so change that to, 2 from breeders, 2 rescues, equals 4 more rescues. Let me know if you wnat the 4 rescues from LA.


"I'll give that that could be interpreted as snippy"

Even though I like Snippy better, I think its called abrupt sarcasm.

[Tai's Mom]

I totally agree with you too, Janet. When one joins a forum, there are things they need to accept... not everyone if going to agree wih each other 100% of the time, everyone has opinions and those opinions may actually differ from your opinion, and they have a right to have differing opinions without having to be to be criticized by those who don't agree because they think they are right and their's is the only way. With that said...
You're right Janet... if someone asks for advice on a forum such as this one, then instead of getting angry or upset, appreciate that people took the tme to offer advice. You don't have to agree with their advice, but at least appreciate that they took the time to offer it anyway. Then sift through the advice and use what works for you and/or your chow.
Hummmm... keeping count on how many puppies I have killed? Well, I have had 3 breeder puppies... well 4 now with our new shih tzu puppy, and one rescue (Tai). My bad... even with the transport and fostering I have done.. I don't think it makes up for my breeder pups.

[bubba]

BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK

GRRRRRRR

do keepers take on the charateristics of the chows or do the chows take on the charateristics of the keeper..

either way expect a reaction to anything in simulation of what a chow would do . , when a stranger approaches some will flee, some will glare aloofly, some will growl , some will bark , some will just grab you.

Chyno [the biter] was a very polite chow .. he would always growl before he bit, Growl is shy , he will flee from strangers and bark, but some times he will creep up on one and grab them..

last time i saw him stalking someone it was a cop in the yard.. that could have beed a catastrophe , so i walked the cop to the gate...

[chowfrnd88]

I absolutely agree with you Janet!

Layla, that is awful! I missed that conversation too, but you are the last person who should be made to feel that way!! All I have to say on that matter is that since we keep having this same song and dance every few weeks, there was this post in the community discussion section a while back: http://forum.chowchow.org/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=10418 and I absoluetly, 100% agree with Coco Chow.

Karin, that is so sad about your pm, I'm waiting for that myself too.

This is one of the reasons I don't post quite as much anymore (well, plus I just don't have the time to keep up with it all since the site has grown, whioch is wonderful btw!). But everyone, please don't let it keep you away. If we all stop posting because of that, where will all the great advice come from for the newbies? I miss reading Judy, Zhuyo's Mom, Leo's Mum's and others posts who don;t post wuite as much. They have a great deal of experience and have a lot to offer, plus I miss the fun of our chows chatting with each other. Kiwani doesn't post as much as she used, nor does Victory, Willowchow, JerryO, etc. I miss their posts!

Michael, you are right as usual! Hmm, let's see, I guess I'm a growler.

[bubba]

i am suffering from
Angst

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angst

attributed to Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard (1813–1855). In The Concept of Dread (also known as "The Concept of Anxiety", depending on the translation), Kierkegaard used the word Angest (Danish, meaning "dread") to describe a profound and deep-seated spiritual condition of insecurity and despair in the free human being. Where the animal is a slave to its instincts but always confident in its own actions, Kierkegaard believed that the freedom given to mankind leaves the human in a constant fear of failing its responsibilities . Kierkegaard's concept of angst is considered to be an important stepping stone for 20th-century existentialism. While Kierkegaard's feeling of angst is fear of actual responsibility to God, in modern use, angst was broadened by the later existentialists to include general frustration associated with the conflict between actual responsibilities to self, one's principles, and others .....



i have been remarking a little more on a MGB forum , they are a rowdy bunch there..
these days i take the Chow for a ride in the B.. he likes it since it is low enough for him to step into,,

[sit_by_the_beach]

It's difficult to define the word Angst - it's only one of a few words in German. It's one of the oldest words, another one is Furcht which is real fear, anxiety or terror. Neither fit how I feel about some here who lurk and will only post to get someone's haggles up. Or worse be a coward and PM like in my case. I may have posted inappropiately in the past, but I don't send nasty PMs. I fear two legged critters, fortunately they're in the minority. Fortunately I have no fear or anxiety of the four legged kind, like our kind, cute, funny chowlings. Keep on posting.

[sweetpea]

I know I've posted inappropiatly at times too. Sometimes I think someone might be being picked on and I'll come to the defense when I should have maybe just stayed out of it or at least tried to word things differently. I apologize if ever I have upset anyone with anything I've said. I have to add that I'm not afraid of the 2 legged monsters, I find them to be often hateful, rude, uncaring, cruel and often selfish. I'd rather have a dozen cats walking on my countertop or sitting on my kitchen table than to put up with some of the rudeness and cruelity of the 2 legged kind.
Have you heard that commerical on the radio of this young girl saying all these hurtful things to another girl. Putting her down and being so mean and hurtful. In the end the guy says "If you wouldnt say it in person don't say it on the internet", something like that. Its not just the kids that get out of hand with trying to pick fights on the internet.

[Jeff&Peks]

I find it hard to believe that someone could be active in rescue and fostering seeing what they see in shelters then going out and buying dogs from a breeder. How does one look at a chow red tagged for death turn their back on the chow then go to a breeder knowing they could have saved the shelter Chows life and given it a home....Its amazing how people can pick a post apart then turn it around to fit their needs seeking praise and pity from people. The name of the game is saving a Chows life you don't use the rescue and fostering to feed ones ego then try to turn the whole thing into a joke.

You people that are always preaching about chasing Members away, I purposely stayed out of three threads in the past two weeks because I already knew what the outcome would be, I watched the post and saw three new members chased away with your educating and compassion. Its not what people are saying when they give advice it's all in how the Reader interprets the way the advice was given. we all know Kawini and know what she is saying, two new members read her advice as sarcasm like they were being talked down to so instead of anyone trying to explain to the person that wasn't kawani's intent you jumped all over them chasing them away...one member got so pissed off I had to call and interpret Kawani's advice to her, it wasn't meant to piss her off. Its all in how its being read and the persons mood at the time of reading it. Its not Kawani's nor my fault if the person is experiencing hot flashes, mod swings and signs of irritability at the time of reading.

this thread started out as a simple question, someone asking advice with a problem, its now turned into a name calling, I'm all that, praise me for what I have done breeder/rescue war by the same people that preach about members getting along, and gee no one invited me.

However it seems we all agree, Microwave popcorn sucks.

[Laura]

I have bit my tongue off the last couple of weeks so that I wouldn't add to and therefore continue the 'snippyness'. When you ask for advice you should accept it graciously and use what you like...ignore what you don't. Period.
I also have 2 that came from breeders. I will not apologize for that because it is done and these two needed a good home just like all of the others. I do feel guilty now that I know how many are suffering everywhere...everyday... so I do what I can. I got Simba out and now I am getting Kali out...with alot of help from Larry and Sheila and Michelle. Couldn't have done it w/out them. I send money when I can and do what I can and I will do that for the rest of my life. If something were to happen to Shug or Chloe you can bet I would rescue now that I know the dire need.
There are people on here with rescues and people with chows from breeders. There are also people on here who help with rescue efforts and there are those who don't. To each his/her own. I didn't say a word when only 3 people from the entire east coast offered to help with Kali. It is not my place. But don't tell me that because I have breeder pups that I am the devil. I already had Shug and had paid for Chloe before I knew the full sad state of Chows being dumped in shelters. What's done is done so now it's do what I can to help. If some people want to bitch then do it towards people who do nothing whatsoever to help or better yet bite your tongue and mind your business.
Feels good to get that off my chest! Thanks Janet for starting this thread.

[bubba]

Angst
...

[Layla]

I rescued Milo from being PTS, cared for him, adored him but when he died I chose to buy Alf. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't rescue in the future & it also doesn't mean that I wouldn't buy another chow. Those Dayton puppies / adults are adorable & nearly stayed here as well but I can't care for 3 right now (not that I didn't seriously consider it all the way back from Dayton!) Some people will always want to buy puppies, not rescue dogs, that's the way of the world. So, it doesn't really follow that buying a dog sentances another to death. The dogs I buy & those I rescue will always be with me, in a good home, spoilt rotten until they die. I will not feel guilty for doing that.

[Layla]

I find it hard to believe that someone could be active in rescue and fostering seeing what they see in shelters then going out and buying dogs from a breeder. How does one look at a chow red tagged for death turn their back on the chow then go to a breeder knowing they could have saved the shelter Chows life and given it a home.

You do know that West Texas Rescue is run by Linda Brantley, who is also a big time show breeder (Dreamland Kennels)?

[sweetpea]

We saved Princess from ending up in the pound, saved her from who knows what kind of life. We bought Gracie as puppy because I knew nothing about chows and was worried how an adult would be with toddlers. I don't feel bad for getting Gracie. When I see all the poor chows that have been dumped in shelters I think that could have been Gracie had I not gotten her. I saved her from a possible miserable life. Right now I'm not in a position to do much unless a chow needs transfered and its in my area. With my going to school and the price of gas we are on a very tight budget right now. It can't be helped. We've had to sacrafice in order for me to get my degree. In the future I will take in another chow. I will never feel guilty for getting Gracie, but I will continue to feel bad that I'm not in a position right now to offer foster care or to be able to adopt one in need. But I'm looking forward to the time I'm able to say "someone pull him, I'll love him".

[kiwani]

ok so heres the thing im confused about. if im not mistaken, isnt this a site where chow lovers meet and talk to each other and come to find advice when they need it?????? SO when advice is offered, it should be taken with gratitude, good or bad. if you dont want any, then dont ask.
it disgusts me to come on here and read posts from certain people that dont like the responses that are given to them.(you know who you are) people agree to disagree.thats what makes us humans.. grow the f#$%K up.IF you dont want someones opinion then you shouldnt be on a forum asking for it.no need to get nasty with snide childish remarks. move on.................

But a certain percentage of the population filters the world through a personality disorder. It's best to ignore their tantrums.


Excerpt: "The narcissist is constantly on the lookout for slights. He perceives every disagreement as criticism and every critical remark as complete and humiliating rejection - nothing short of a threat... They devalue the person who made the disparaging remark, the critical comment, the unflattering observation. By holding the critic in contempt, by diminishing the stature of the discordant conversant - the narcissist minimises the impact of the disagreement or criticism on himself. This is a defence mechanism known as cognitive dissonance.

Narcissistic rage is not a reaction to stress - it is a reaction to a perceived slight, insult, criticism, or disagreement (in other words, to narcissistic injury). It is intense and disproportional to the "offence". Raging narcissists usually perceive their reaction to have been triggered by an intentional provocation with a hostile purpose. "


Excerpt: Internet trolls: the Flamer Personality Disorder

"Invariably a FPD flamer will start a flamewar. First the flamer attacks another subscriber unexpectedly. It happens because the flamer felt insulted (exquisite sensitivity to insults), but usually this insult was entirely in his/her own mind. But the flamer never considers that perhaps he made a mistake while interpreting the insult (no self-doubt), and he also sees a NEED to answer every insult with insults (vengeful, narcissistic.)"

[Larry Harris]

Excerpt: Internet trolls: the Flamer Personality Disorder

That one goes back a way Back in the day the when Internet was text only. Seems there have always been people that like to see if they could get a war going. Hang on I need to leave the basement and go to the upstairs to the computer in the light..

Nothing wrong with speaking your mind but you should be responsible for what you say. Many have fought and gave the ultimate sacrifice for free speech. Making it personal and call names or judging character will not help get your point across. Yep ask for advice but be prepared for the answer, don't like it hit the delete key. On the other hand it is like a very large family, ever yell at your mom dad or sibling... I hate you

Larry

[Jeff&Peks]

And to think, when I first saw the heading "I'm Confused" I thought Janet was going to say she just bleached her hair blonde.

[chowfrnd88]

The thing is that we also miss a lot of posts. I don't know who Kali is for example. If you all ever need transport, funding etc. help on the east coast please pm me. I don't have as much time to check in all the threads as I'd like. Two jobs, grad school and my favorite of all, Special, occupy a lot of time these days. I tend to answer training type posts because that's something I know I have the power to help with.

As for being active in rescue, I've bit my tongue on this for a long time. But just because some of us don't like to pat ourselves on the back, like Layla for example, doesn't mean we're not doing everything we can possibly do for chows in the quiet background, without seeking the glory. Layla has gone through heartache and hardship that I hope that many of you will never, ever have to experience with her two rescues. She continues to give as much as she can for any chow in need. Just because we're not actively posting about it doesn't mean that we're not active locally, or contacting rescue connections for help with out of state chows. We all give in ways we can. Rather than brag about it here or chastize others for what they have or have not done, we're spending the time we could be using bragging about our efforts to actually work on those efforts.

I personally don't look in the chows in need of help section all too often because I know there's nothing I'm physically able to do. But I help in many ways when I can, whether I talk about it here or not. You know I love this site, and am so grateful for ALL of you, I wish this divide that has come about would go away, it really and truly wasn't like this when I first joined. Jeff, you know I was a complete chow idiot at that time! And you helped me so much. You were one of the first people to give me advice and tell me all about the wonders of chows. I'll appreciate that forever.

[janet]

lol jeff, i was born confused.
i only started this thread for the simple fact being
"IF YOU DONT WANT SOMEONES OPINION, THEN DONT ASK"
i was reading another topic and had noticed that the person asking for advice was being an a$$ to the people offering it. go figure.
none of us are perfect. i think we can all agree on this.
except you of course jeff. lmao. and yes i agree that all microwave popcorn sucks big time. im tellin ya, try it the way i mentioned.

[vicster605]

Janet, I also agree with you. If it weren't for this site I don't know where I would be with Kearra, I knew NOTHING when I came here. What I have learned here has helped my girls in so many ways I can't even begin to list them, not to mention the moral support. And the fact that I wouldn't have Kyra my rescue who I also owe to this site and will ALWAYS be grateful. What is upsetting here for me is that the help and education I got from this site when I first came here is possibly not happening for the newbies that are coming here and feeling like they have to be defensive when asking for and needing help and direction with their own new or not so new Chows. I also agree that if you ask for advice.....pick out what is helpful to you and do appreciate that someone took the time to try and help. The newbies are also turning away because of the bickering amoung the Members.
I have been around for a while and have watched this site go thru a # of changes and I find myself missing the ones that don't come around hardly at all anymore and keep hoping that it goes back to the way it used to be someday. I personally stay away from the topics that usually start a serious discussion because I know it will probably fall off in the ditch and turn ugly, problem is we all pretty much know each other but the newbies don't.......
I know a # of members who have gotten their feelings hurt and just don't come around as much and some not at all.
I wish everyone here would realize that THE MEMBERS are not the problem here because we ALL LOVE CHOWS and just about ALL of us would and do anything we can to help a Chow. Most of us have as many as we personally can handle.....and most would have a houseful if we could but due to our personal situations we have the # that we do. I personally would love to have a dozen but I know thats not possible yet it doesn't stop me from cryin' when I see one that is going to be PTS if its not rescued........I also could care less WHERE ANY of the members got their Chows but the fact that they have Chows and take very good care of them, love and train them makes us ALL advocates for the breed along with our beautiful Chows. Their are so many Chows on this site that I love and love to hear about I can't even begin to tell you who they all are.
The hardest thing in life to deal with is PERSONALITIES......and it takes alot to try and understand others, especially in the typewritten word.
Just MHO, of course lol
And yes Janet, I saw that same post and thought the same thing
Katalin I agree with you
Like Larry said, we are all like a big family that argues sometimes......but we have to be mindful that the new members don't know that

[RHENEGADE CHOWS]

.

Oh my word! totally off topic your dog is gorgeous! I LOVE his color! I hope when my ember is 2 she will be that dark... gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous.... do you brush him from head to tail? or from tail to head? If you have never brushed him from tail to head try it. Makes them fluff a bit better and it lays a bit better too... I did say it was off topic. He is gorgeous!
Carla