Tess & Me

[pfordeb]

Ah, what a scary but sweet story about your health and Tess. And believe me, I understand. Forrest thought he heard Sullivan's collar jingle the other night, and I just posted about how I miss her food aggression. Writing does help, but you'll never forget.

[jacqui]

I am enjoying reading all your stories about Tess and you.the stories are both happy and sad.you have such a talent for writing.
your writing is just beautiful.
you will never forget Tess and no one can ever replace her but maybe some day you will be able to open your heart and love again.
because from what I'm reading it sounds like you have so much love to give.
you are in my thoughts.

[Laura]

Your stories are so touching! I too hope that one day you open your heart to another when or if you ever feel the time is right. You have so much love to give.

[janet]

nancy, your stories are so moving. i know it is still painful but with time it will get easier to bear.

[Me & Tess]

Another bad day today. It’s been cloudy up here in the Rockies. Had to get outside this afternoon. Weeded my hill of wildflower seeds. We had dandelions sprouting. Walked around the clearing then down to the creek. I felt so sad. I just stood there at the head of the creek and sobbed. Mike found me standing there. I hadn’t told him where I was going when I went out of the cabin.

Several summers back I was cleaning our creek of moss and branches (a yearly ritual). As always Tess was with me. I started getting creative, swishing the pebbles and free throwing some to make a little water fall. Tess got in the water and started pawing at the pebbles too. That makes me smile to think of that. We were the Zen Girls of the forest.

I took a walk down the road and a crazy squirrel started chipping at me and running up and down the tree. I watched him watching me, which bugged the heck out of him. The squirrels are going quite mad this fall. We will probably have a colder than average snowy-snowy winter. I saw some paw prints on the road they were too small to be bear. Maybe a cougar, the prints showed claws. I got a little nervous without my Tess. The critters are coming out of the forest. We had a pretty little skunk several days back, he stayed around for two days. The little guy is gutsy, when the deer get too close he makes a run for them. They bolt back. The deer seem to be taking over the clearing. We usually have the same four. All four were laying by my garden yesterday. If Tess were here they wouldn’t be so complacent!

[Me & Tess]

It snowed today for a brief moment, the trees were waving in the wind. Of course the snow just melted. Tess loved the snow. She would roll on her back and make Chow Angels, she would follow the snow as it melted in the spring. I wished that she just had one more winter. But after last Christmas I had a talk with her and told her it was ok if she if she needed to leave us. The extra months with us was a God-Send. She did live 6 months more than the vet said she would. My heart is still breaking. Mike took a picture of her grave. It does look pretty. He picked all the pretty blue, green and red rocks and colors in between. He put a bench there but it is so hard for me to sit on it for anymore than a couple of minutes. He also put up a bird house on the tree to the left of her grave. Her grave is next to the path to our creek. I don’t know when this sorrow will end. It still comes in waves. I try to tell my self to suck it up. Some days I just feel numb.

[chow fancier]

I know it's hard to believe now, but it will get easier. As anyone here can tell you, a chow touches the heart in ways others have never dreamed.

Bless you for taking Tess in and loving her all these many years. You have earned your spot in heaven with her at your side.

Her gravesite is lovely, a most fitting tribute. Thank you for sharing with us. It does my heart good to know that others feel as close to their chowdren as I have to mine. Your stories are beautiful and never fail to touch me.

[pfordeb]

You do tell beautiful stories, and I think talking about it helps with the grieving. It's been 3 months for us and I still cry a little every day, but not all day anymore.

[fillyok]

Your stories always make me go hug my pack (and cry) because they remind me that our time is so limited. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and pictures. Tess' gravesite is beautiful and a true labor of love...it must've taken so long to make it so nice. I hope one day you can relax there and remember all the wonderful times you spent with your beautiful Tessgirl.

[KoKogirl08]

I just read all of the posts and I can't stop crying. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Mally]

Tess's grave is beautiful...it looks so calm and serene...I like how the sun shines onto it...I don't want to look at it too much because I start to cry but it is very beautiful.

[Me & Tess]

It is a month today that Tess crossed over the Rainbow Bridge. I’m not going to tell a story of my Tess, but instead to reach out to those are thinking of adopting or buying a Chow for a companion, that you please give thought to those Chows in kill shelters. To think of how their journeys will end there. Most were discarded like my Tess. Some may have been physically abused and are emotionally scarred. Some may have just ended there because of a family’s unfortunate situation. With a patient and understanding heart they can once again trust & be a part of a new family. My Tess proved that to me. Tess was treated as an equal part of our family from the beginning. Realize that when you bring a Chow into your home, it is a life time commitment & pledge of love, care, understanding, patience, protection and respect. In the most important decisions in my life I have gone with my heart. Tess is still a part of my heart, my family’s heart, my sweet Tess.

[Mia]

Beautifully said!

Tess would love what you said - what a great way to honour her.

[Auddymay]

That was a lovely sentiment. I know that you will someday put those words into action, and rescue another lost soul like your beautiful Tess. Healing from such a huge loss takes time, and you will get there some day, probably sooner than you think is possible. When that time comes, I have no doubt Tess will put that Chow in your path, and serendipity will happen. Lovely spot to sit and talk to Tess , BTW. It looks so peaceful and tranquil.

[Me & Tess]

Yesterday I felt numb, it felt that if I thought of Tess too deeply my heart would break. It was the same with Mike. We talked about Tess, but guardedly. This morning Mike went to Ten Lakes to fish and I stayed home to wash the floors of Tess. I don’t want anyone to feel we are dirty people - I just couldn’t erase the spots on the floors of Tess until today. Now when I vacuum, there are no more dust puppies. I miss those. Mike gathered some green and blue rocks at Weasel Lake for her grave.

We went camping this past summer at a beautiful creek. It is on the Trail Creek Road about 15 miles away from our cabin on the way over to Polebridge and Glacier National Park. Trail Creek goes underground at a point up above the primitive camping site and seeps and bubbles back up right at the point of where we were camped. The water came from the sides, the middle, bubbling up like a fountain through the shale. When we got there and started to set up camp Tess wanted to go down to the creek. She fell in over her chest into one of the inlets. She was cautious after that. We spent time down at the creek, there were rocks where we could sit and Tess found a soft place under a bush. We played a game with her, tossing in leaves which she followed until the disappeared. She learned where the deeper places were and wouldn’t go into those. The first night we went into the tent, Tess got excited about sleeping with us and wanted to sleep on the our sleeping bags. She remembered when she slept with us on our bed in Norwalk. Mike wasn’t too keen about it, and Tess was “belly laughing” at this. I was laughing and then Mike started laughing - Chows do belly laugh! In the mornings we picked huckleberries, Tess found shady places and watched. I gave Tess a few huckleberries and she loved them like candy! I will never forget when we were getting ready to go home, I took Tess down to the creek for the very last time. I will always have this picture in my mind. She stood on the rock where we sat and overlooked the creek facing down stream. It was if she knew that she would never return and wanted to take it all in. God, I miss her.

[Nita F.]

You write such beautiful tales of your life with Tess. Thank you for sharing those times.

We lost our first chow after 15 years together. We both missed her tremendously. Habits that had developed through the years stopped instantly. Listening for her toenails, her snores, and sweeping the red hairs came to a halt. I was miserable! So with my husband's blessings I began the search for another chow to love. It took about a month but we finally adopted Mimi, another beautiful red chow girl. I can't describe the joy she has brought to our lives. Though we will always love our first chow Meka, we have lots more love to share.

Hopefully you and Mike will soon find another chow to share your lives with. There are many out there that would love to loved by you!

Nita

[Judy Fox]

Mm! I think you are right.

I always say that the greatest act of love you can do for your precious pet is to allow him or her to be put to sleep if necessary and the greatest compliment you can offer is to give a beautiful home to another one.

You loved the one so much that you cannot live without another.

"Say not in grief she is no more but in thankfulness she was."

(Old Hebrew Proverb)

[Me & Tess]

After Patch passed away it was almost a year to the day that Tess came into our lives. Had we gottem another dog right away our gate would have been closed and she would have passed us by. Tess was a meant to be. She would have more than not been taken to one of the kill shelters in Los Angeles County. Perhaps, not by chance she ran into our back yard & chose us. We will know when to move on and love another. I sometimes walk shelter dogs on the Riverwalk in Eureka. There was a cute little blond short haired male Chow named Elvis, Tess would have made two of him. He found a home. The shelter here makes all attemps to place the dogs they receive.

I took a walk to our mailbox today, it's a mile down the hill. On the way back I had company, a little beagle and a big curley haired hound. The hound is usually a matted mess, but today he looked somewhat groomed. The beagle left me 3/4's of the way back to our dirt road and the hound left me at the start of our dirt road, watching for a while untill I disappeared.

I read so many posts and my heart goes out to all who've lost their Chows. There seems to be many, and many have my own feelings about our beloved Chowlings. They are all running free together, just waiting, maybe watching. Maybe they send angles to watch over us until we discover the love in another pair of deep amber eyes.

[pfordeb]

Ah, that's how I feel, our Sullivan will lead us to the right one. It's been 4 months, and we are strongly considering another chow girl from our local shelter. Nice picture.

[Me & Tess]

Yesterday was again hard. I am coming to terms with Tess’ death. In the morning Mike questioned if it was worth the pain to have taken in Tess. I know he hurts & I know that he feels it was indeed worth it. I was weepy the rest of the day. I talked very little. Someone asked how much it cost to own a Chow. It is the cost of one’s heart.

We had a game, Mike, me & Tess. Mike would make believe he was going to put his hands on me or chase me and Tess would growl at him. Sometimes we would chase each other through the house, Tess chasing us, nipping at his feet. It was funny when he was bare foot. Tess knew it was just a game. She loved games. Sometimes in the middle of the night Tess would wake me. I would get up go down stairs and wait for her to come down after me. She would look down at me from the top of the stairs and just sit there. I would go back up to bed, she would wait until I’d go back to sleep and again wake me. She liked it when I turned on the hall light. Then she’d come down and go out side. When she was younger she would chase the deer at night. I would hear hoof & paw beats go from east to west - north to south. Once she met a skunk in the middle of the night. The smell is nothing like you the smell of a skunk kill on the road. The smell was more metallic. We thought that we had an electrical fire some place and Mike & I were running around, checking the kitchen, outlets, upstairs, the basement, Tess was watching us all the while. We finally figured it out. It was Tess. She loved to wiggle-wiggle-push, she laid on her back next to the wall and wiggle her hips, then push off with her feet sliding her body across the floor. That would make us laugh. She loved to make us laugh.

We went fishing on Lake Koocanusa this week. Mike found a pretty pink rock to put on Tess’ grave. It's still hard to sit there, but I did for a few moments yesterday morning. I gathered pine cones at the lake, I made a wreath today. We will put it on Tess' grave this Christmas. That will be her "Christmas present" this year.

[Mia]

Oh, you make me cry...
I can't even imagine your pain...well, maybe sometimes I imagine it too well.
I am so glad that you have this forum to share your grief and I hope it and we can help you to heal.

[summer_rose03]

I know the feeling.We recently lost our Frisco in July. He was 13 1/2 yrs old, we had him since he was about 6 months old. He was the family dog. He was there for all of us all the time. He was there to comfort my mother and sister and I when my Grandmother passed away to cancer last year. He was a spoiled rotten dog, but in a good way. We all have our fond memories of him. It's hard sometimes, but will bring up little things when something reminds me of him.

We recently adopted a smooth chow (see "Back again-new chow chow") who greatly resembles Frisco. Carter is his own dog, but he has a lot of the same mannerisms as Frisco did. My mom was commenting on how her life seemed empty without him, and Carter has helped her. He helps us keep Frisco's memory alive with every little thing he does. He whines and pants the same. He likes his belly rubbed, he likes to snuggle, he's obsessed with the car, he even smells the same now. From behind, he looks just like a young Frisco. We thought it might be a little hard, but it has actually been easy. It doesn't necessarily hurt to remember him, it may be a little sad, but they are good memories.

[Me & Tess]

Our paths are laid before us, Tess’ path lead to Mike and me. We were there at the certain moment she needed us. Then our paths together lead from Norwalk California to Eureka Montana. We had bought our property 28 years ago with plans to one day live on it. Years went by, Wendy was two when we bought our 20 acres, then Matt was born two years later. Time goes fast. I had a career on and off, accumulating 25 years of Federal Service. Health issues came up, lay offs, new jobs and finally we all got to retire (Tess included). Both kids were grown and out on their own.

After we sold our house in Norwalk, we packed and together the three of us made our way to Montana, towing a U-Haul trailer behind us. Tess had the whole back seat for herself. To go such a very long way, she was a very good & patient traveler. I had no idea where we were going to stay when we finally got up here. Our log cabin was going to take at least a year to build. We stayed at EDA Ranch on Glen Lake Road, Eureka Montana, and got to know Earl, proprietor and owner & Bud, his buddy boy, a lab/pit mix. We eventually were named God Father and God Mother for Bud if anything happened to Earl. Tess learned some strange behavior from Buddy, she started raising her leg to go pee, as well as a few other male gender greetings. Bud thought that she was the prettiest Black Chow ever, and Tess treated him badly. No fights, but Bud knew Tess was boss. Earl owned an airplane hanger up at the rural airport just south of the Canadian boarder. It had a one room apartment attached. We could see the Canadian Rockies and fantastic sunsets over the Montana mountains. In the fall the elk came down from the mountains, and grazed on and around the airport. Elk would run past our window. We spent about nine months there. It was small, but rentals in and around town would not take big black Chows. When June came we camped on our land until our log cabin was finally ready for us. The airport now has is fenced off from the elk and there is a fueling station on site.

We had three dogs in our life time together, 2 Ausies, and 1 Tess. When Apache, aka Patchy, Patch died, we had her cremated. We buried her ashes close to the creek, and marked her grave with four rocks, during our family vacation. I told Mike that we need to make a better marker for her. She was Wendy’s family dog. I think she would like to see that when she next comes up to visit us.

I am thankful I have this Chow-Chow site to post my stories of Tess. Sometimes I do feel sad and find that if I had a particularly sad day that writing the next day helps. Thank you all for being there for me.

[Me & Tess]

Just cleaning out my freezer, came across some uncooked ox tails, one of Tess’ favorite (cooked) foods. The doc said they would be good for her teeth. There was a little piece of bone left in the lawn from gnawings past. It’s been snowing and raining this past week. How Tess loved the snow. She loved the coolness of the forest, the fresh coldness of the creek. Mike still places pretty stones on her grave. It may rival the Tower of Babble pretty soon and lead beyond the language of men and to the language of Chows. The stones look beautiful wet, like shining jewels at the forest‘s edge. Seems it is really hard to stay very long by her grave, but I can look on it from the dining room window without a tear.

Took a walk to the creek this afternoon. Mike placed stones around Patch’s grave, and marked her name and the date she died, she had made it to 13. We had each placed a stone on her grave years ago. Her grave is by a fallen down fort that Matt made when he was a young boy. Patch was a nervous soul, always wanting to run away. Anytime there was a back fire, pop or gun shots she climbed the fence like a cat and ran aimlessly. I had to drive or walk to try and find her. One night when she was less than one year old she got out. We got a call from a kind man who told us she was hit by two cars and that he would stay with her until we came. We got her to an emergency vet clinic and got her good care, the accident happened on a weekend. She had internal injuries, but no fractures, and had to be transferred to our regular vet for more care on Monday morning. She had a permanent limp from the accident, but that didn’t stop her from running away, Once I questioned some homeless men at Norwalk Park if they had seen her, one said that she may have been a dog that slept with him by the side of the railroad tracks. Once she came home by herself. I had almost given up. Patch was Wendy’s dog. Wendy and Patch were kindred souls, both wanted to leave us before it was time but would always find their way home.

The summer before we retired and made the move to Montana, Tess figured out how to open the gate and get out. She didn’t go far, she would plant her butt on the front porch, and hug the screen door. I would come home from work and find her there. I was told by a neighbor they thought we had tied her to the door! Mike was working swing shift then. When he left in the afternoon he started bringing Tess in house. She was a good in-door-house dog. Sometimes I would find her on the sofa peering out the window at me, but that was ok, she was safe. I miss her deep amber stare so very much.

[Coco Chow]

Thank you for sharing your stories with Tess.