An Open Letter to Chows in General

ciaobella · Post by **ciaobella** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 6:34 pm

...and Sophie in Particular

Dear Chows,
It has come to our attention that certain of you individuals seem to enjoy hiding patiently in dark corners for the express purpose of jumping out and scaring the juice out of unwitting members of our possum community. We assume that you think this is hilarious. We do not.

We are the hardworking custodians who keep your lawns clear of animal carcasses, moldy birdfood and road-kill entrails (mmmmm... entrails), and we do not appreciate being harassed. And while we DO appreciate not being flipped, tossed, munched up, etc. by you chows after we have courageously fainted in self-defense, we DO NOT need you to stand guard over us until we come to. If we wake up to find this:

in our face, we are only going to pass out again. Please. We just want to have a snack and go home.
Thank you for your co-operation in this matter.

Sincerely,
A. O. Possum

redangie24 · Post by **redangie24** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 6:52 pm

lol. hehehehehe. lol.

Sharons Chows · Post by **Sharons Chows** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 7:26 pm

Dear Mr. or Ms. Possum,

We would never harm you in our yard. There isn't a creature big or small that would ever creep under our fence and come into our domain ever again. The word is out around here.....MR BADMAN JR and MS PRISSY CHEYENNE do not tolerate critters. Sorry Possum if you made it under the fence and fainted we would just step on you really, really hard to make sure that you really never moved again.
But Mom and Dad still take us to all the parks around with rocks and wood piles and tree holes galore...so you had better watch out...we don't differentiate between good critters or bad ones...you are all fair game

The J's and the Chey's

WildThings · Post by **WildThings** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 7:32 pm

Dear Mr. Possum,

In regard to your letter to chows and Miss Sophie, I would like to notify you had Miss Tess not alerted her owners to a commotion in the neighbors storage area two months ago, one of your own may not have made it. The owners of the house were on vacation and one of your kind had become stuck in a trash can. The humans living next door were a little afraid to even check what was making a noise, but Tess insisted it was worth checking into. Even today, she still looks out for your kind by sitting and watching the trash can in question should any possums decide to investigate again...she is on standby for rescues.

bama · Post by **bama** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 8:06 pm

Dear Mr. A.O. Possum,

On behalf of the Chow Community, I would like to kindly remind you that you are nothing but a marsupial in rat's clothing. You're only talent is to fall asleep??
How dumb is that? Could be that's why you have never heard of a super hero called POSSUM MAN! When aliens attack planet earth, what does POSSUM MAN do...he falls asleep on the job! We chows take pride in protecting our humans and their homes. Therefore, if you attempt to fake your death on my lawn, I will gladly dig a hole for you and give you proper burial.

Yours truly,
The Colonel

ciaobella · Post by **ciaobella** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 8:29 pm

Dear Chows,
I would like to object in the strongest terms to your insensitivity to our plight. Have some semblance of decency, please! After all, we have only a two-volt brain, and earthworms are higher on the foodchain than we are. Furthermore... ACK... can't feel legs... (faints)

sincerely,
A.O.Possum, Mrs

ciaobella · Post by **ciaobella** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 9:11 pm

Dear Tess,
Thank you for your kind consideration and service to possum kind. You are a true friend, and have sharp pointy teeth and big claws and... (faints)

yours,
A.O.Possum, Mrs

Salandra · Post by **Salandra** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 9:13 pm

Dear Mr. A.O. Possum,

I'm afraid I must protest your protest. Your so called plight is merely your kinds way of getting out of any real work. Earthworms are higher on the food chain because they do more work than you, thus drawing more attention to themselves.

You dirty our domain and we kindly ask that you take your smelly self out of the majestic Chow Chow's territory. Otherwise you will have Sophie and the rest of us to look at when you open your beady little eyes.

Yours truly

Jazmine

vicster605 · Post by **vicster605** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 4:42 am

Judy Fox · Post by **Judy Fox** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 5:39 am

Oh! Oh! Milly and Mabel here!
We do not know what Possums are! Can you hunt them? Can you carve them up? Can you chase them?

Love from Milly and Mabel.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

TXSusiQ · Post by **TXSusiQ** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 6:22 am

possum??/ what's that??? Mom!!!!!! do we have any of those????? No - dang I'm missing out on all the fun!!!

Cabo

Post by **jerryo** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 6:49 am

Hi Milly and Mable, Benny here

It is just as well that you don't have possums there. They are pretty disgusting to look at anyway. Think of a 10 kg pink rat, with mange and a bad attitude and that's a possum (actually an Opossum, but nobody around here calls them that).

Yes, you can chase them, and many dogs take their people out to the wods to do that. I can't understand the attraction, since if you catch up with one, it will put on all sorts of viscious threats with its sharp teeth, and then faint dead away when that doesn't work.

You can carve them up and eat them, though I prefer Nutro Ram and Lice. They say that a Redneck's idea of a seven course meal is a baked possum and a six-pack of Lone Star Beer, but I wouldn't know, being a Chow of much better taste than that sort.

Post by **jerryo** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 7:01 am

Hey Cabo,

I think your mom is holding out on you. There should be plenty possums around San Antonio. If not, you can always come on over to the Piney Woods. We have plenty, along with raccoons, armadillo, deer and a few beavers too. Lady says she and her girlfriend, Sugar the Lab, would love to take you out to the woods for a possum trot anytime.

Woof On, ChowBro

Benny

Post by **chris** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 7:13 am

Benny.... Steel here, can you manage to catch one of these "passums"? I need to see what we are in target for.

SEPMER CHOWS

Steel

Post by **Auddymay** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 7:18 am

Lily here. In the first place, if you are going to address the Chow General, You should call him General Benny, or just Sir. Second, you have no standing in the Chow's attempt to take over the world (...are you contemplating what I'm contemplating?) In fact, at the training ground at Fort Piney Woods, they recently switched to tactical training the new recruits with bun buns. The Possum never put up any fight...all show, then FLOP. So sad, first the worms and now buns are higher in the order of the world. So quit yer crying and stick to the yards and garbage cans gaurded by foo-foo shi-shi types, if you come around a Chow, you will become chow, k?

Post by **jerryo** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 7:37 am

Well said, Miss Lily!

As always, you are as articulate as you are beautiful.

Yes Sir, Exhausted Leader Steel. I'll get some of the ChowBoys right on it. Unfortunately, I can't take charge of it personally at the moment. I got a little hitch in my gitalong at the moment. Doctor Gary thinks it's a liver infection, so I get eight meatballs a day that JerryO hides pills in. He thinks he is being SOOO clever and that I don't know about the pills. Stupid biped! But hey, as long as I get the meatballs, right.

Chow Y'all,

Benny

ciaobella · Post by **ciaobella** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 8:06 am

Dear Milly and Mabel,
Think of a possum as a large, smelly and rather stupid ratlike creature. Beneath your consideration and dignity, really.
Yours truly,

A. Prickly Hedgehog, Mrs

PS don't even think about carving me up!

Post by **chris** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 8:07 am

OH Benny...Dog nabit Chow... I didn't know. Make sure you take care... and pull the sad face series to get that 9th meat ball! Report back with results on that. Also, I know you will send out our top Chows on the possum mission.

SEMPER CHOW!

Steel

P.S. Our Miss Lilly is a fiesty one, wonder if we should set her in negotiations.

zingara_princepessa · Post by **zingara_princepessa** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 8:16 am

Scorecard since 2004:

Orso - 5 (possums)

Possums - 0 (chow chows)

Any questions?

TXSusiQ · Post by **TXSusiQ** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 8:19 am

MOM!!!! MOM!!!! Listen to me!!!! Benny says we have possum!!!! Its your pregnancy brain again!!! Can I spend the weekend at Benny's??? Please please please Mom I promise I'll behave???

off to schedule a bath so I can look slick for the ladies!!!

ciaobella · Post by **ciaobella** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 8:21 am

Dear Benny, Lady, Steel, Lily, Jazmine, Cabo and Hedgehog,
I would like to object in the strongest terms to the descriptions "dirty", "smelly","disgusting", and "rather stupid". We are, in fact, VERY dirty, smelly, disgusting, and EXTREMELY stupid. No need to damn with faint praise.

In addition, we object to being referred to as a "target" or as "chow" and... whoops, here we go again.... (faints)

aaaaaargh,
A.O.Possum, Mrs

ciaobella · Post by **ciaobella** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 8:28 am

Dear Benny,
Please don't roll me over in the clover, Rover!
your friend,

A. Rmadillo

PS Get well soon!

Elaina · Post by **Elaina** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 8:30 am

Dear Mr./Mrs. Possum:

I will introduce myself to you as Emperor of the Universe, Max-A-Million. The only reason you are alive is because Mom made me and my sister Mei-Mei drop you before I could break your neck and eat you. You and your family are disgusting. Don't think that fainting thing changes my opinion of your kind... it doesn't!

Note that there are no dead carcasses on our property, cause Mei-Mei ate the birdie that fell out of the nest before Dad could get to her. The birdfood is not moldy 'cause Mom replaces it all the time. As for roadkill, you don't have to cross my yard to get to any of it. The next time you decide to cross my yard, Mei-Mei and I will ignore Mom's commands, and you will become dinner.

My problem with you, is that you are out of your element. What the heck are you doing up here in the north. You belong in the south... go home and stay there! Please take your friends, the rabbits, squirrels, rats, cats, and other usless critters with you. Mei-Mei and I do not intend to be mean to others on this planet that are not Chows, but you started this by comming onto my property for no good reason.

Yours very truely,

Grand Emperor of the Universe,
King of the Western Hemisphere, and
General of the State of Illinois
Max-A-Million

Post by **Auddymay** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 8:31 am

Thank you Steelo (my sweet...hehe) I am afraid I have to decline any negotiation assignment. My motto is kill first, ask no questions. I will be more than thrilled to join a recon team, or even guerilla warfare (remember my stealth attack from Lookout Rock, JR?) I call it Lookout Rock cuz before I jumped on his back, I told JR, "LOOK OUT!" He is cute, but only has eyes for Roxi. But I digress...Commander General Steelo, you will have to take on more responsibilities as well as being the Exhausted Leader, until General Benny is up to snuff. Too many destressing Chowgaritas after a hard day with the ranks, Benny?

Judy Fox · Post by **Judy Fox** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 8:34 am

Ooooooooh! Sophie, we would not roll our hedgehog over! He walks round our garden with us in the evening, just before we go to bed. Then he goes to sleep in our garden in the winter and won't come out.
But we love our hedgehog and we would not carve him up.

Love from Milly and Mabel

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(P.S. He has prickles and if we nudge with our noses it hurts!

)