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Bear.....sadly missed.....

Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 10:50 pm
by HammyJ
My dear Bear(Bear-Bear, Bubbahs) was taken tragically from me last Friday.....I got her when she was about a year old. She was the grand-daughter of my very first chow chow, and she looked a lot like, and acted a lot like "Grandma"....Bear was not car smart, and despite numerous scoldings, didnt seem to see automobiles as threat. I rent a cabin on seven acres of fenced property, and all who came on the property were told to be aware of her, and to slow down.....little did I know that morning, I let her out for her morning pee.....she visited my landlady, and after a visit lay down beside or near my landladys landlady hopped in her car and drove away...too late in realizing that she had run or backed over my dog. I heard the yelp and knew immediately what had happened.....she ran down to my cabin, and I thought she might have a pinched leg or bruised tail....and then I saw the blood run from her mouth....we bundled her into the landlady's vehicle, but she died on the way to the veterinarian in my arms......I am devastated.....I blame myself for not being more aware....but I had done the same thing hundreds of times.....My landlady is upset too, as she loved Bear, and Bear loved her.....I love Chow-Chows.....they are my favourite breed, but I dont think I can have one unless I kennel them all the time.....the only thing that loved me was taken from me, and I just dont know what to grief is unbearable.....I thought I was doing ok, but tonight I am a mess.....I am angry at myself, and I am angry at my landlady....Ive lost dogs before but to illness or old age......this is so much harder....please if someone can help me make some sense of this, I sure would like to hear from you.....

Re: Bear.....sadly missed.....

Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 11:45 am
by Cocoa
I am so sorry for your loss. I don't really have an advice for you on how to deal with your grief and anger, everybody handles this differently. I would suggest that if you try posting this under the general or community discussions you will probably get more responses, a lot of us find it hard to look in this section very often.

Re: Bear.....sadly missed.....

Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 5:28 pm
by HammyJ
You are very kind.....I am doing better....everyday gets a little bit easier, and my anger has dissipated somewhat.....I will be picking up Bears ashes tommorrow, which I know will be hard, but I am in a much better state to be able to do this now...
Thank-you for taking the time to respond.....that note was written during probably my worst night.....and my head is in a better space now....

Re: Bear.....sadly missed.....

Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 11:38 pm
by Rio
So sorry for the loss of your darling, I cannot offer any assistance with coping with your loss, only that you must have been a strong person to have owned a Chow, use that strength to get you through what will probably seem like an eternity, hope you can find happy times to focus on and come out the other side a stronger person.

Re: Bear.....sadly missed.....

Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 6:07 am
by reddog
Dear Hammyj

Tears trickled down my cheeks as I read about your loss of your precious Bear. :( My heart goes out to you. I am sending you my deepest sympathy. I know how you feel. I lost my beloved Chloe a year ago January. Bear may be gone physically but she will always hold a special place in your heart and be in the memory box of your mind.

As to how and why this awful thing happened to Bear – that will probably remain one of what I call “one of those unsolved mysteries”.

I agree with Cocoa. Everyone handles their grief and anger differently. I also think it might help you to list this post in the “Community Discussion” forum. I, myself, had a hard time coming to this forum “Memorials & Prayers” when I first joined this website. The people here in the “chow” neighborhood are really great and so helpful and understanding.

You mentioned about going to pickup Bear’s ashes. I’d like to share my personal experience. The evening I went to Chloe’s vet to pick up the urn with her ashes I met a young couple there with their dog. We chatted about their dog and I told them why I was there and a little bit about Chloe. When I got home there was a message on my answering machine asking me to call the vet’s office. I called the office and was told that the young couple had donated money to a local animal rescue group in Chloe’s memory and that a paper snowflake with Chloe’s name on it would be displayed on the wall. That really brightened my day and the ironic thing about that was – Chloe had been a rescue and she dearly loved the snow.

I rescued another chow this past December. Her name is Whitby. She can’t replace my beloved Chloe, but she does help to fill the void that Chloe left in life. Maybe in time, down the road, another chow will find its way into your life and help to fill the void left by Bear.

I’m sending you a big comforting hug.

Take Care

Re: Bear.....sadly missed.....

Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 8:05 pm
by HammyJ
Rio and Reddog......thank-you very much for your kind words.....I still get weepy from time to time, but the anger has seemed to dissipate somewhat......I havent really experienced heartache before.....but it is aptly named......I hope maybe in six months or so to maybe look into getting another dog....its just me, and its tough coming home to an empty cabin with no one to greet you. I just cant take the chance of something like this ever happening again, so he or she would have to be kenneled at all times when I wasnt present. It has been a hard lesson learned and one nobody should have to go through....
Thanks again for your thoughts, they have been helpful in getting through these rough days......

Re: Bear.....sadly missed.....

Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 2:57 pm
by cherriemater
Oh ... I don't know if I can get through this ... but I'll try. Almost a year ago the very same thing happened to our girl, Kimba. ((I'm sorry all my friends here that I didn't share about her passing ... it was too much at the time and is still too much for me now.)) Joe, my husband was mowing the front lawn and Kimba would mostly just sit on the porch (untethered). However, when he mows, she will move here and there so she doesn't get sprayed with grass, dirt or rocks. Just the night before, she had chosen to lie out in the driveway and catch the setting sun. I have a picture of her lying in the grass moments before ... so peaceful.

But then, I was late for a volunteer job and running off. I jumped in the truck, hit the reverse and heard that awful, awful sound. KA-THUMP! I stopped and got out and there she was under the truck. I had run over her middle and the look she gave me will haunt me the rest of my life ... "What did you do, Momma? Why did you hurt me??" ((When Joe and I first started dating only four years before, she had bitten me defending "her man" so it was fitting that when I went to comfort her she bit me on my right hand. I still have the scars today to remind me of my lost little girl.)) She limped five or six steps to the garage all the while I screamed for Joe to come over to us. I couldn't stop screaming. Joe picked her up as soon as she collapsed and brought her in the house, to her bed that was by the front door. ((In hindsight, I think I broke a couple of her ribs and her lungs collapsed.)) I made phone calls to our vet for suggestions of what to do and by the second time I walked into the house, she was going. Joe stayed by her side and I went in to her to kiss her one last time. I told her how sorry I was and how much I loved her but she was Joe's dog so I let him gather her up for her last breath. Her labored breathing seemed endless and painful. She struggled for each breath but she let us pet her and closed her eyes in comfort, shifting her ears out of the way with each pass. She passed in his arms and the look on his face is one I will never forget. The hurt and sadness was so hard to bear knowing that I was the cause. We cried together as he held her there in his lap.

But his love and forgiveness was so full and instant and unconditional. After wrapping her in her favorite blanket, he held me and said, "I forgive you!" He squeezed me so tightly just to emphasize the point. I have never felt that kind of love in my life!! To have his forgiveness was the ONLY thing that kept me sane in the months following. Later that day, we drove to the spot in Pigeon River Forest where we burried Rocky and placed Kimba right next to him and now when we go to Inspiration Point or go by it we say hello to them. They were buddies in life and side-by-side for eternity.

In the days and months that passed I could be walking from one room to another and I would only have to see something of Kimba's or remember something and I would be in a puddle of tears. Though Joe forgave me right away it took me months to forgive myself. Yes, "Kimba was 13 and lived a long, happy, healthy life," Joe would tell me but it's little comfort when it why ME who took her life. Yes, her hips were giving her trouble and she was moving more slowly as the days went on, but still, it was ME who took her life. Even now, that sentence is hard to type and read. It was ME. And, let's not even get started with the "If only's." If only I had walked BEHIND the truck, as I usually did. If only I had looked for where she was lying, like I usually did. If only I wasn't in such a hurry. If only. If only. If only. Those two little words still haunt me today.

About a month ago, Joe asked me if I still blamed myself for her death and I told him I did. But my loving man put his arms around me, told me he loved me and said, "You know that's forgiven, right?" I answered, Yes, but the ache will never go away.

Enter into the world on September 17, 2011 ... Leo and Max who came home November 12, 2011. Our world has changed so much since they came home and though I wouldn't have missed this time for anything ... I still ache for my Kimba-girl. RIP with Rocky over Rainbow Bridge my girl. I'm so so sorry sweet face!! Momma loves you!!

Time heals all wounds ... and this site was instrumental in my not ending my own life. The depression I was already in having lost my job got only deeper the days and months after her passing. But this site helped me so much. The kind words and support, the stories (some funny, some sad) kept my spirits in a state where I found strength to go on. I am forever grateful that I found this place of solace and some friends, though thousands of miles away, are somewhat closer then some of my own family members.

It is SO important to grieve. To scream. To vent. To emote. To do WHATEVER is necessary to brave the hurt and move on. Sometimes I think we must open the door and welcome the hurt and pain, to get to know it so that we can deal with it. But don't stop trying. That's the most important part. Find what works for you but never stop trying and don't be afraid of the memories. They are a healing balm to the wounded soul.

You'll know when you're ready to welcome another little one into your life and I think others can testify that although they begin a new chapter in your life they don't sing so loudly that you can't remember the other stories. It's just like adding another warm blanket on your bed or another panel to your life's quilt. The beauty and warmth can be felt in every fabric of your being.

{\o/} hugs to you from the very depths of my soul. May you be able to forgive and to love. RIP Bootiful Bear! Catch some zoomies over Rainbow Bridge with Kimba and Rocky! They're quite a pair!

Re: Bear.....sadly missed.....

Posted: Tue May 08, 2012 9:14 am
by Cocoa
I just read this, I am so sorry, I cannot imagine how you must have felt. You are so lucky to have a husband like Joe who is so understanding. It is great to hear how this site has helped you, and of course the boys. I think everyone here looks forward to your stories, pictures and videos of the boys growing up.

Take care, Karen

Re: Bear.....sadly missed.....

Posted: Tue Aug 06, 2013 2:06 pm
by HammyJ
Its amazing but time does heal.......I still miss Bear terribly( I had to put my cat down the next day, which had been planned as she was very ill with cancer)....but didn't expect to lose my dog and cat in a weekend. I now have a new kitty, so the cabin isn't as lonely.....but my landlady has moved off the property, so I find myself thinking about getting another Chow......I would like a puppy, but there are so many lovely rescue dogs available that are looking for their forever home that I think that is the route to go. Life is tolerable again, and yet going through something so heart has been changed forever.....I do know that if the dog is ever out of the kennel or out of the house....I or someone will be with him/ all times. It was a very hard lesson to learn.....and one that I never ever want to experience again....I again want to thank all those who lent their kind words of meant a great deal to me to have the support of fellow chow enthusiast in my darkest hour.