Dealing with loss...

[Cooper223]

Yesterday was undoubtedly the saddest day of my life. My wife and I returned home to Dallas from visiting her younger sister in Phoenix, who gave birth to her first daughter. Both my parents and my little brother picked us both up from DFW airport. My dad picked us up in my pickup truck, and when all the bags were loaded, I wasn't sure if I was to drive or just ride on the passenger side. As I opened the door to get in the driver's seat, he put held my arms/shoulders and told me Cooper, our chow, had died yesterday morning.

I was devastated and my heart was broken. I couldn't stand. I know there are many people out there that would not understand the extreme bond I had with my dog. I was a 27 year old man with a steady job, a great wife, and recent news that I would be a father for the first time early 2012. I have so many things going for me, but the moment I heard about Cooper, a large piece of my heart was broken. I couldn't stand. I couldn't stop crying. My parents had Cooper's body frozen at the animal emergency clinic where they had taken him so I could say my last goodbye. I couldn't even think about it. I was short of breath and didn't want to let it sink in.

This was the best friend I have ever had. He was always there for me in tough times. Barring rain, I would make it my duty to give him his daily walk however late I got home from work or from going out for the night. He was my favorite person in the world and definitely more than just a pet. I can't stop thinking about him. I can't stop thinking about the good times we had, the little nuances that made him the cutest thing ever. I can't stop thinking about how I wish I always gave him the best and wish I had never disciplined him in an angry and stern way. I just want to hold him right now and tell him how much I love him. I know I loved him the most out of the rest of the family...both my parents and my little brother, who is only 3 years younger than me.

Man, I miss him so much. I am having the most difficult time dealing with the grief. I found this site and just wanted to hear how others here have dealt with the passing of their chow. My wife and her family never really had a pet and do not really understand the bond I felt with my dog and my best friend. A dog is just a pet to them, but to me, Cooper was so much more.

[Brisco]

Cooper223,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I feel that I do know what you mean when you say he was more that just a pet. I got very emotional when my parrot died and people kept using that term with me, they just don't get it. Even you may not see the comparison, but I can assure you that it hit me that hard. I don't even want to think about the day I loose my boy Brisco or Dixie. I don't think anyone could say much that would help your heartache, but I think that I would have to make myself go out and find a new pup sooner than later. As hard/harsh as it sounds I think it would give me something happy and positive to consentrate on. I think my two dogs wouldn't mind a bit if they new I was giving a new puppy the chance at the same kind of life that i've given them, and vise versa.

Matt

[crickle_22]

I'm so sorry for your loss. In my opinion there are only two kinds of people in this world, those that have never really had a strong bond or relationship with an animal and those who have had an animal become their best friend. Seems to me that you are a great loving person with a huge heart... family man, hard worker, great owner... all amazing traits that I am sure your dog picked up on and loved.
I know it seems that your heart is in pieces, and you're right! It is in pieces, but slowly those pieces and begin to mend.... every day will seem long, tough, lonely... and then a day takes you by suprise where you find yourself smiling at the thought of him, instead of shedding tears. Might take months... years even... but it will come. The most important thing you can do is allow yourself to grieve and feel through your loss... I've learned its the only way to properly handle heartache.
Growing up my best friend in the whole world was a pitbull named Buster... he was the greatest dog in the world. We got him when my brother and I were young kids and he was able in some strange way to be able to create a strong bond with each of our family members... he was able to be everything to everyone. Buster was our best companion.. he played soccer, he would sit and watch movies with us, if our parents were fighting he would hide under our beds with us, if my dad was drunk (which at a time in our lives was more often then not)... he was our protecter... the best friend a person could ask for. Eventually we got older... as did he and the day came where God decided to take him from us... it was the toughest day of my life.. the world as I knew it was now changed in the biggest of ways... I cried my heart out through my eyes and I tried each day to see a brighter tomorrow.. and eventually it got better.
I have spent most of my life looking for that "buster" and once I was grown up.. started a family of my own... we decided to get a chow... KODA... and he began to fill a void I had forgotten was empty..
Koda has been the greatest companion and we love him so much... however... I am at a loss as well... I have two young children ages 2 - 3 and after a year of bonding and loving our Koda.. he bit my daugher last week... he is starting to get really annoyed with children and my husband and I had to make the hardest decision I have ever had to make and find Koda a new home. Right now I feel as if my heart is out of my chest... I look at him and it gets hard to breathe, I get sad because I am losing my other "buster" and it just doesn't seem fair... but I know that I'm doing the right thing for my kids... and for Koda too... but it doesn't make it easy. I hope though, that the people coming to see him are a lot like you... and that Koda gets a the best home. I don't know how Im going to get through this... but what helps me is thinking that I never thought I love another dog like I did Buster, but then I did... with Koda.. so I have hopes that once the pain of all of this passes.. I will be able to find a dog that will fill that void again... one that my children will be able to call their very own best friend.

This is a tough journey... the life of a dog lover is a very tough one... but it's the most rewarding... my prayers are with you.

[jazzmineong]

I am so sorry for your loss. I understand what your going through, having to bury four chows. Three in just the past 2 years. My husband and I still cry over the the loss of each and every one of them. It's a hard thing to lose your buddies. These dogs are so loyal and so much a family member that it's like losing your child, best friend, and buddy all at once. They say that time heals all wounds and I hope that it does so with you. Again, I am deeply sorry.

[Sarahloo]

I will be able to find a dog that will fill that void again... one that my children will be able to call their very own best friend.

But I hope you're going to wait a while, till you've got things figured out financially and your kids are a little older, or you might just end up with a repeat of the Koda drama. Your disability is always going to be a problem when it comes to tiring a dog out. And there are no guarantees that the new dog would be any better with kids than Koda. Give yourself a break and focus on your recovery, maybe get a nice, gentle cat to cuddle with on the couch. Don't put more on your plate right now than you have to!

[oceans]

Cooper 223,

May you find comfort in your memories. Just remember that you gave Cooper a wonderful life and that your memories of all the wonderful times together will stay with you forever. I would love to hear what a wonderful dog cooper was when you feel like sharing. Sometimes when the grief is so bad talking about your loved one does help. Take care...

[Victory]

Cooper 223

I heard on the radio of a report that men who truly bond with an animal have a hard time dealing with the death of that animal, (the survey was only concerning men, so women weren't asked.) Losing a pet that you have bonded with is one of the most difficult things you will ever face.

Many here on this site have faced this loss. Some more than once. It never gets easier. The thing I've found is not to bury it. Talk about it, you've made a good start...come on and talk about him, and him and you. We'll be happy to read about him and his life with you. There is a member on her that has shared stories of over 15 years with her sweet girl. She tells us of tending to her grave in the spring, and taking walks along the path that she once walked with her girl. I've done the same if you go to the first page of the memorial section you'll read my good bye to my Darkwind...it's been 5.5 years now that he's been gone. I miss him a lot, but I have wonderful memories of him, and I can remember him with joy for just having known him.

One of our other members says at times like these something like, "say not in grief he is no more, but in joy that he was."

It may seem that you won't reach that place, and it may take some time, but you will get there. You will grieve, and go through all the phases of that process, it's natural, and shows that you are a very humane and superior human person.

I am very sorry for your loss and my very deepest condolences.

[Tippsy'smom]

I'm so sorry for you loss.

I just lost my chow girl, Tippsy, in April. She was/ still is my heart dog. For a long while, I didn't wanna talk about losing her, but I've come to terms with it. I still hurts, and always will, but now I'm able to look back at how amazing she truly made my life and all the good times we had. And it has helped having my other fur babies around. But I do still expect her to walk around a corner or I'll still think I hear or see her.

I also lost my first chow boy, Cinder, when I was 5. And his loss STILL haunts me 15 years later.

[Piff Poff]

I am so sorry for your loss, I can't begin to imagine your pain, with what you have written your chowbaby knew he was loved, take time to grieve and remember him.

[J & C]

I am so very, very sorry for your loss. God bless you with healing memories and treasured tenderness shared.

[Judy Fox]

Oh Dear - I am so sorry. It is so hard to lose a well loved friend and there are no words to say that will make you feel better. Just try to relax and remember the good times and it will get better eventually.

When you are ready, just remember the words of the old Hebrew proverb,

"Say not in grief he is no more but in thankfulness he was."

Those words are so true and in the future you will appreciate them.

Meantime, just try to gain comfort that there are many on this site who know exactly how you feel and are so sad you have to suffer the dreadful pain of loss too.

Wish there was something I could do.

[chowpups]

Iam so sorry to hear about Coopers passing. Sounds like you had a perfect buddy in Cooper.. I agree with you some people don't understand the compassion we have with our chows. But on this site I think you'll notice we all get it..
I lost one chow Oneill,4yrs ago and Now my Nikki is battling cancer.
You will grieve the loss and you will heal your heart but it takes time. And you will replace those tears with smiles when you talk about Cooper, eventually ,but it again takes time ..There will always be a spot in your heart for Cooper ..that never goes away..
I hope you find some comfort from others on here. Its helped me .
Nancy

[Me & Tess]

Every once in a while I return to this site. It's going on 3 years that my sweet girl passed. I know and feel the pain that you have in your heart. I cried along with your post. It will take time, not sure how long. I can now go months without a tear, but then all of a sudden it hits me and I break down and the tears pour. We were blessed to have our Chowlings as our best friends. The memories are your treasures; writing them down is a testament and a tribute. We would love to hear your stories. Please know that I am so very sorry for your loss of your dear Cooper.

[cherriemater]

I just saw your post and my own heart is breaking all over again. We lost our Kimba 06-03-2011. She was a light in my life. When I lost my job a year ago I was home all day long. Boy! Did we bond during that period of time!!! I can tell you that the pain does subside and I shared with someone on this forum that the sobs turn to tears, which turn to sighs and now smiles whenever I remember something. However, I have been avoiding the park, which is just across the street. Kimba and I would go over there when my husband left for work (2nd shift 2:30-2:00am). The Wednesday afternoon before she died, she did her "sneeze" thing asking me to take her for a walk. I told her, "Go ask Dad," so she ran into the kitchen and scratched the back of his leg. He said, "Oh-kaaaay." There were kids at the park so we took the back route behind the backetball court, which has a chain link fence all the way around with a gate at both sides of center court. Joe and I went beyond this door (thus avoiding the kids play area just beyond the basketball court) and were on the backside of the court but Kimba went through the gate and as she crossed the center circle in the middle of center court, she just paused and stared at us like, "What are you guys doing? That's not the right way!" ((We usually cut across exactly where she was walking. Silly us!!)). So, last week I braved the park ... alone. I walked our usual path, yes, down by the basketball court, through the gate ... but I stopped at center court and let the flood overwhelm me and started to sob. No one was in the park (thank GOD!) and I walked the rest of our path and just let the tears flow. It was cathartic. It was good. And now I can go to the park again. Joe and I can even talk about things Kimba used to do ... like the spot she liked to lie in the grass in the front yard, or the chipmunks which now roam freely all over the lawn (she loved to chase them) or even being creative with the garden (we have a mouse/vole/mole who is eating our little corns). If Kimba were here, we'd say, the varmints wouldn't be in the corn! Time heals all wounds and I thank God that memories of Kimba are still vivid. Embrace them. I hope you're still healing!! It does take time. This forum was VERY helpful to me and I hope it's helped you as well.

[chica_2626]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. When my first dog (a beagle named Logan) died six years ago I said that I never wanted to own a dog again because I never wanted to feel that pain again. But my love for dogs eventually took back over, but I literally get teary eyed reading these stories knowing someday my J.D. isn't going to be here anymore. As much as I loved Logan, it will be nothing compared to losing J.D. But, he's only 9 months so hopefully I don't have to worry about it for a long long time. Everyone will cope with the loss in different ways but you will find a way through somehow.

A few months back a local rescue group I volunteer with had a devastating fire that ended up killing 13 dogs. Everyone was reeling and there was so much sadness surrounding it. A quote that was placed on a memorial poster was "It's a fearful thing to love what death can touch," and it is so very very true. But the happiness and joy brought to us by them makes it worthwhile.

I will be thinking of you and cherrie also as you get through these difficult times!

[edboswell]

I've read this site for years but have never contributed. I've owned 3 chows consecutively since 1988 having just lost my last guy 4 weeks ago. Each loss was different, the 1st a girl from old age (Tasha, 12 yrs old), 2nd a boy (Tasha Too But You Be You and called You Be, 8 yrs old) from being attacked by a pack of dogs and the latest (New You Be You called Newbe, almost 4) my choice because he bit a family member.

Each loss has been equally devastating. They were not just pets, they are companions. Best friends. The feelings when losing one can't be described unless you've actually gone through it.

My first time, I went into a big time depression. The only way I beat it was to start another journey with a new pup. It worked wonders and having known that I was able to get past the loss much quicker last time. I have had a terrible time since Newbe bit my mom on the leg. No understanding of the ordeal whatsoever. She walked him, pet him and fed him from time to time since he was 7 weeks old. Am still having nightmares about that incident.

Any way, I just wanted to let everyone out there know that they're not alone when feeling the sadness, terror, abandonment, depression, etc. when these losses occur. My only solution for myself has been to pour all my love into a new pup and trying to mold all of the good traits of the previous ones into a new companion.

[oceans]

Hi Ed,
I am so sorry to hear about all of your losses. Each one of them are such devastating cicumstances. Did your mom interact on a frequent basis (daily) with your chow, and were you there when it happened? I ask this because I have heard stories of chows biting for no particular reason. But in my mind I think there is always a reason. I actually have learned this the hard way. Chows are exceptionally smart and they do hold grudges so I was just wondering if there was a history with this particular dog. One thing we all have in common on this site is the love for the chow and I learn something new all the time. Some things I did not know and other information helps me be a better chow owner. Once again, I am sorry for your loss.

[edboswell]

oceans,

thanks for your thoughts. we saw each other 4-5 times daily, her and newbe/me. we live side by side. he visited her w/ me all the time. she also came down to see him when i wasn't around. actually would take him out to his running rope. the 1st year or so she had an elderly dauschand that protected her big time. the 2 got along great, but, they were competitive around her wanting the treat and petting. her little guy's been gone a couple of years but i;m thinking something clicked wrongly at the wrong time .

he was on his running rope (7 ft high rope between 2 trees 50 feet long w/ 15 ft of rope attached). can't stand people having dogs on chains or short leashes. he is only on that for an hour or so when i'm home. she came by him like always, said hi to him and he attacked. just a few seconds at the wrong time at the wrong place, changed our lives forever.

[ADKH]

Brother I lost mine over a year ago and I still grieve. I cried every night for over a month after I had to put him down. By far the hardest thing I've done in my life. I have his ashes on my dresser with his picture and favorite toys. I'm so sorry for your loss. After reading these stories I have tears in my eyes..

[edboswell]

thanks. I too have his ashes as well as his predecessor in an urn on my hutch with beautiful pictures of each. things will be better in 2 days. I'm picking up a new pup oon Friday or Saturday from one of two breeders I'm visiting. Long trips but it'll be well worth it. I'll have my new companion soon and start another hopefully long journey with a new best friend.

[Juniper]

So sorry to hear about your loss of Cooper.

I still mourn over my chowboy Troy (who attempted to bite me out of the blue and when I took him to the vet and found he had every right to bite-he was in enormous pain from cancer that had not been discovered previously). I still mourn periodically for any and all of the dogs, cats, birds, and tropical fish I've spent my life with; even squirrels and wild birds I've fed for years. My yard is chosen by much wildlife as a good place to expire. It's always heartwrenching, yet comforting to know that the animals feel my place is a safe haven.

I seek and obtain comfort in nature for my tears of loss. Nature reminds me of the natural order of life and that we are all energy interconnected, and if we tap into nature a paradigm shift occurs where the tears erase and all whom we loved, shared with and cared for is always everpresent in our hearts and within our space. The essence of love then encompasses. And we are all love.

May peace envelop your environment and the love of Cooper be everpresent.

[lovechows55]

I am so very sorry to hear about your loss. It's always difficult to lose a treasured pet, but to lose one so suddenly is even more heartbreaking that words can't even express the sorrow you must feel. Chows are very special and the way the bond they form with us, as Cooper and you shared, is one of the closer than that with many people. My girl, Chelsea, was my first chow and my first dog and I felt a closer bond with her than I have with anyone else--even my husband and closest friends (nothing personal to the people in my life but it's just different with your best chow bud). We were together almost constantly for almost 15 1/2 years and the day she died, part of me died too. It's been almost 3 1/2 years since I lost her and the heaviest part of grieving is over--but I felt her loss more acutely than I did when I lost my mother (at age , my father (in 1992), and close friends that have passed on. Losing your heart dog is very difficult but as others have said, the best thing to do is to express your feelings. Try to be with people who are empathic and can relate to your pain (losing a pet is as traumatic as losing a person--anyone who thinks they are just an animal is toxic and should be avoided).

Give yourself plenty of space and time to grieve--and everyone grieves differently. A couple of the things that helped me were to have Chels cremated and have her on my dresser, along with her photos. My husband also had a beautiful painting of her made for me for my first Christmas without her, which sits on my dresser (right next to her). (BTW, it took awhile to put up most of these photos. Right after I lost her, I put everything of hers away--either donated or boxed up--because it was too painful to see. Slowly, I started taking photos back out and it turned into a mini-shrine a year later).

A website that was very helpful is www.petloss.com. There are many resources on it and also a very moving candle lighting ceremony held on Monday nights. There are animal lovers from all around the world who come together to help each other through their loss. It is very moving and can be very helpful--although may be a little intense. We started the ceremony and then had to stop it--then went back the next week. You can also write a tribute to Cooper on their site, as well as on this one, so that his memory will live on.

As much as it hurts to have lost Cooper, as others have said, you'll always have the wonderful memories of the life you had together. Remembering that will also help you get past the dark times. And, when you're really ready, bringing another friend home will also heal the pain. We waited for a year to start looking for a new puppy, then the one we chose died before we brought her home, and a few other things happened--when we ended up rescuing a rabbit who thinks he's a chow.

As you go through this process, please know that our thoughts and prayers will be with you. Anytime you need to "talk," you can always find people who care on this board.