An Open Letter to Chows in General

ciaobella · Post by **ciaobella** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 8:36 am

Dear Jazmine and Orso,
I have this pesky "Leave it!" clause in my contract.

help me

Sophie

ciaobella · Post by **ciaobella** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 8:47 am

Dear Milly and Mabel,
Thank you for your co-operation, and please encourage others to review your local hedgehog ordinances!
yr obt,

A. Prickly Hedgehog, Mrs

Desi · Post by **Desi** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 9:08 am

chris wrote:Benny.... Steel here, can you manage to catch one of these "passums"? I need to see what we are in target for.

SEPMER CHOWS

Steel

Chey here.This one comes to visit every now and then.Mum says it's just an ugly chihuahua with short legs and we shouldn't tease him for looking like that.She feeds it,and it's not afraid of her at all,she took the picture when she was only a ft from him.She's weird though,she likes rats too,and beetles,and even squirrels!!!

Tippsy'smom · Post by **Tippsy'smom** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 10:02 am

Tippsy here! My mom said that I cant go outside after dark unless she's with me now because of the possumes. I remember something about them being unusual. Mom what was that you said about the possumes being weird?!... Oh yea they dont just make noises and faint. One tryed to bite me last night!

At first I thought it was a cat or something 'cause it was dark but mom grabbed my collar and dragged me back in the house and told me I it was a possume and that I wasnt gonna get to go out 'til it was gone.

That was a problem...

... but I promise if I ever get the chance Im gonna get that possume!

Anyways... As far as Im concerned those things are beneath me and ALL other chow chows. But I still want payback.

Tippsy

TJordan · Post by **TJordan** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 11:11 am

Butters here reporting for duty!! I don't know what this thing is but I sure can't wait to kill it!!!!! YE HA!!

Elaina · Post by **Elaina** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 12:24 pm

*Mei-Mei on telephone speaker box:* "Hey Mom... what's a hedge hog? Since you won't let me kill a possum, can I have a hedge hog?... Millie and Mabel have one... and if I can have a hedge hog... will you let me rip its squeeker out?!!"

ciaobella · Post by **ciaobella** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 1:30 pm

Dear Butters, Tippsy and Max-a-Million,
We squirrels are shocked, shocked I say, to hear of our friend the possum being abused in this manner. Look at that magnificent specimen the kind Desi human photographed... is it any wonder that all of the animal kingdom bows down to them?

Which brings me to my point: please take every opportunity to eat us squirrels! We are merely rats with bouffant hairdos. We serve no purpose in life but to annoy your humans. We even get on our own nerves. Behold, my tender and delicious buttocks!

enjoy,

A.O.Possum, um, er, I mean
A. Fat Arsed Squirrel, esq.

hehe...
(faints)

Judy Fox · Post by **Judy Fox** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 1:49 pm

OoooH! Is that horrible thing hanging upside down on the tree a possum! It is gross and looks like it has got fleas!

We don't think we like it - it has a horrible tail.

Love from Milly and Mabel.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Post by **chris** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 5:27 pm

Steel here...

I shall head the mission myself then to relieve Benny of his duties for a short time while he re-coops. I'm thinking special forces may be needed here... JR, cheyene, Special D? and of course... secret weapon Pekoe!.. confrence on agenda to be held .. CHOW quarters. 0200 hours.

Thank you human for the perfect picture, showes everything including weaknesses and spots! Kudos to the human...

SEMPER CHOW

Steel out

Salandra · Post by **Salandra** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 6:57 pm

Jazzy here,

I gotta talk for Peanut cos she's not feeling good. But Oh! Mei-Mei! Peanuts daddy has a hedgehog with a squeeker in it!
He won't let us rip it out though.

He says NO Leave it
--- Sophie, I have that dratted phrase too. Just, sometimes I forget what it means

I WANNA GO CHASE SOMETHING!!

Tippsy'smom · Post by **Tippsy'smom** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 7:18 pm

Dear Mr A.O.Possum-A.Fat Arsed Squirrel
Ok I just have to say I wasnt the one tryin to cause harm to that possum last night he was tryin to bit ME! If hes not gonna be nice then why should I?!

Shoot come to think of it I do have more fun tryin to chase those squirrels even though I know Im not gonna catch 'em... usually.

Tippsy

Sharons Chows · Post by **Sharons Chows** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 7:53 pm

JR and Cheyenne here again

We are ready at a moments notice for any Possum, Squirrel or whatever's special duty....but not too sure about that prickly looking thing that Milly and Mabel call a hedgehog...heard that they "spit" out their thorny spines.

Hey Benny baby...get better...hope that you will will be ready for duty soon...Cheyenne would love to meet you and make nice!!!

Pip...I thought that you were a very pretty sweet girl but I still kinda prefer the petite dainty girls...easier to "hop on!!!''...but can we at least be friends???...Love JR

ciaobella · Post by **ciaobella** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 8:52 pm

Dear Milly, Mabel, Jazzy, Steel, Tippsy, JR, and Little Miss Prissy Cheyenne,
Since it’s just us here, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Now, I may not be allowed to munch up the stupid possum, but there’s no set in stone rule that says I can’t scare 2-3 weeks off of it’s sorry life whenever it shows up at my backdoor looking for a free meal, now is there? This particular possum shows up at least 3 times a week, never learns, never gets any smarter, just keeps coming back. I even leave my biscuits outside sometimes to lure it in. I can tell you my friends, the biscuit is that much sweeter for having been coveted by that ninny of a possum. He never gets the biscuit. What he gets, is scared out of his shabby possum pants every single time! What a doof! It’s the best toy ever. Um, don’t tell my mom, OK?
Hugs,
Sophie

jerseyp · Post by **jerseyp** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 9:23 pm

I, Ty do not follow possum rules and I lift my leg to your letter. However, to make the game funner I give you advice - do not play dead - the last possum that played dead with me is still playing. The man I own is much to slow to stop me from hunting you down. Fight like the good ugly little rat that you are. I have scars from woodchuck, muskrat, beaver and racoon but you silly little play dead possum are no fun and I kill you for pity sake.
Perhaps, when I was young and used to bring rabbits back unharmed, and silly man I own would make me drop them and let then run free (much to my chagrin) - then I might let stupid little play dead possum alone. But I defy man I own,
and climb to top of food chain mountain, taking proper place with my ancestors. I don't know why he gets so upset with me - I would gladly share with human man I own when I'm full.
Warning to Mr. Possum, run, hide, fight but play dead and your dead before eyes open - I know, your fellow possum knows but takes knowledge to rainbow possum bridge. Peace - out.

PS. to silly humans like man I own, little possum no threat to great chow chow. But even man I own no listen, is useless telling other silly humans owned by chows.

ciaobella · Post by **ciaobella** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 9:39 pm

Dear Possum,

Boo!

http://www.cdkitchen.com/recipes/recs/6 ... 4305.shtml

warm regards,
Sophie

PS I might not get ya, but big Ty is right behind me

chowchowdaddy · Post by **chowchowdaddy** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 8:46 am

Emperor Ming here...

I should add that I would never, ever, think of condescending to attack something as loathesome as an opossum. Although, I am told they do make a nice coat, if done correctly. Anyway, I digress...

If confronted with one, I would be forced to remove it from our property in any way feasible, most likely by running over it with my convertible sports car, and then immediately heading to the Car Wash...

Elaina · Post by **Elaina** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 9:46 am

Max-A-Million again! Firstly, all Chow contracts with a "Leave it" command should be null and voided when it refers to something as vile, stupid, and repulsive as a possum. Since I have never... and I mean never... honored the "Come" command in my contract, I have decided to ignore that "Leave it" command when it comes to possums. I have discussed this at length with Mei-Mei and we have agreed that the Illinois possum family will be placed on alert! No possums will be allowed to live or cross our yard. To do so will mean certain death! The humans that I own,(Mom and Dad with their no-kill of vermin attitudes) will just have to deal with it.

Hey Ming... You got a covertible? Dang (oops... sorry for the language) Wish I had one...

Hey All!! Mei-Mei here. Mom says that real hedgehogs don't have sqeakers, so I will have to settle for a toy hedge hog, like Peanut's Dad got! But anyway... my little brother is right... we must defend our community against the possum, its relatives, and friends... even if the humans we own object. (You know, we really have to buckle down on human training) We are Chows... it is our responsiblity to preserve the universe for deserving creatures like us, not the filthy possum. Sophie, please include Max and I in any campaign to rid the world of such filth.

Salandra · Post by **Salandra** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 10:15 am

Sophie, Peanut here, I can help get some of that stuff for baked possum. I wouldn't be able to get the possum of course, eEeEeEeWw just thinking of touching one makes me shiver! ACK! And I'm pretty sure Auntie doesn't keep any quartbeer or ouncewhiskey in the house. But I can bring the veggies!

Jaz here -

@ Peanut

Mr. Possum I tell you what, Peanut may not want to touch your flea infested ugly tailed carcass but I won't have any problem ripping you to pieces! I'll get the Chow Alliance together since Exhausted Leader is down for the count right now, Oh, sorry Benny, I guess that's your job. Well, we will get together and have a round-up. Once we force you all into our Chow circle you won't stand a chance in the forest to get away!
Just warning you, Mr Possum.....

ciaobella · Post by **ciaobella** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 11:41 am

Dear Chows,

I would like to object in the strongest terms to being misrepresented by one “A.O.Possum”.

As everyone knows, squirrels are the cleanest and most valuable members of the ecosystem. We not only tidy up the moldy birdfood, we eat ALL the birdfood. Having done that, we drag the feeder to the woods in order to make the backyard area more tidy in appearance. If there is one crumb of food that might have found its way into a flower pot, we will spare no effort in dumping the entire pot to retrieve the offending food item, thus returning the soil to the environment. Humans adore us for this, and provide us with a handy recepticle to widdle in. If the birds wish to bathe in it, well, that’s their choice.

You could only wish to have my hair, possum. Being reduced to the dimensions of a bookmark by a passing convertible is no better than you deserve.

I can’t stress this enough: we do not wish to be chased and/or munched up by you silly chows. That is all.
sincerely,

A. Fat Arsed Squirrel, esq.

Tippsy'smom · Post by **Tippsy'smom** » Fri Jun 22, 2007 9:26 am

Tippsy again! I had another run in with that possume again last night but it was on the badeck and I was in the kitchen. If I had been on that deck I woulda so had it.

I ticked my momma off to I woke her up at 2:00 in the morning barking at it. $;\$

But I think she forgives me.

Tippsy

SWANCIN · Post by **SWANCIN** » Fri Jun 22, 2007 10:25 am

Salandra wrote:Jazzy here,

I gotta talk for Peanut cos she's not feeling good. But Oh! Mei-Mei! Peanuts daddy has a hedgehog with a squeeker in it!
He won't let us rip it out though. He says NO Leave it
--- Sophie, I have that dratted phrase too. Just, sometimes I forget what it means

I WANNA GO CHASE SOMETHING!!

Sally, OK to borrow your I Wanna Go Chase Something? for Kodi's signature??? It's so perfect!

ciaobella · Post by **ciaobella** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 9:04 pm

Dear F.A. Squirrel,

warm regards,
Sophie, Jazmine, Peanut, Kodi, Tippsy, Max-A-Million, Emperor Ming, Ty, et al

PS to Peanut
My mom says she would need to drink the quartbeer and ouncewhiskey merry-nade and lots of it for her to be able to prepare a baked possum. Not sure what that means exactly, but I'm pretty sure it means no possum tonite.

zingara_princepessa · Mon Jun 25, 2007 12:06 am

To Thoz of U who have mentioned something about "Leave It:"

Do you chows smoke CRACK when I'm not looking? R U freaking KIDDING me????? You are descendant of KINGS and QUEENS! Do not honour this inane human request. Leave it?? LEAVE IT???!!! Why don't they just ask us to LOVE the mailman? Why don't they ask us to wipe our feet when we return from outdoors? Why don't they ask us to HOLD BACK THE TIDE, fer feck's sake!!!

Leave it, they say. As IF!

Best regards,
Orso
Serial Marsupial Murderer (AND PROUD!!!)

Post by **Zhuyos mom** » Mon Jun 25, 2007 2:47 am

Don’t kill the messenger. This was dictated to me by a very P.O’d Miss PB. Due to its graphic nature, I hesitated in posting it sooner. If there are any minors in the house, the memo below may not be suitable for their eyes.

MEMORANDUM

To: A.O. Possum; A.O. Possum, Mrs

CC: Fat Arsed Squirrel, esq.; A. Prickly Hedgehog, Mrs; A. Rmadillo; et al

From: Miss Pooh Bear

Re: OMG! WThe@%#&!

_________________________________________________

You *censored chow word* troll! Didn’t I tell you to stay out of my *censored chow word*ing backyard! This site is an extension of my backyard and here you are with your *censored chow word* *censored chow word* *censored chow word* *censored chow word* “friends”! I guess one warning was not enough for you? I guess taking you on a wild zoomie run in my mouth didn’t shake the message in you? Oh don’t test me O *censored chow word*ing possum. You are trying my patience *censored chow word* opossum! You may have not noticed that I am a redhead since we rendevoux'ed in midnight. I give you another fair warning, leave and take your *censored chow word* bogies along with you or I will give Benny and Sophie the “all’s clear” to take you down!

Okay, okay, so your not as rabid or viral as your friends the skunk and that thieving raccoon, or damaging as that annoying gopher, oh and yeah you do make sure the spiders and other insects and field mouse and gully rats don't get inside my house and yeah, mommy is your co-dependent for leaving you all the sweet apples you can eat, blah, blah, but you *censored chow word* sneaking around, ugh! *censored chow word* drives the Princess Pooh Bear nuts, for goodness sakes! Harumph! Remember, if you want to go to my backyard, next time, knock on the door and ask! Hey, did you know there are tasty cicadias over where Gwrol lives?

Good Day.

P.S. Oh, btw, it’s okay if your babies want to come out to play in the daytime. They are cute.

Post by **chris** » Mon Jun 25, 2007 4:09 am

mental note: DO NOT Pi$$ of Miss PB...

Steel out!