Deciphering Woman Talk....

[Red Dragon]

Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. (NEVER use Fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.)

Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.

Nothing: This means something, and you should be on your toes. Nothing is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backward. Nothing usually signifies an argument that will last Five Minutes and end with the word Fine.

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over Nothing and will end with the word Fine.

Go Ahead: (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or Do what you want, because I don’t care. You will get a raised eyebrow Go ahead in just a few minutes, followed by Nothing and Fine and she will talk to you in about Five Minutes when she cools off.

A Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over Nothing.

A soft sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. Soft Sighs are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example: “Oh, let me get that.” Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night.” If she says Oh before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is Fine when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. Oh, as the lead to a sentence, usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows Go ahead followed by acts so unspeakable that we can’t bring ourselves to write about them.

That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. That’s Okay means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. That’s Okay is often used with the word Fine and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow Go ahead. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

Please Do: This is not a statement; it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful, and you shouldn’t get a That’s Okay.

Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you’re welcome.

Thanks a lot: This is much different from Thanks. A woman will say, Thanks a lot when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the Loud Sigh. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the Loud Sigh, as she will only tell you Nothing.

[Chow Chow Mama]

[kez65]

ahh given up on politics have we...its us women now......well i reckon thats the most bloody fair dinkum description of what were thinking.........wow....so you guys do take notice.....sweet....

[Desi]

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'

The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
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'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
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Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN
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Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'
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[CoraP.]

[Auddymay]

It is written from a woman, or her point of view. I have seen this before, as I have all of these such posts, but then I am a fossil with friends who love sending jokes. Ask Jerryo to send you the one about the wood spider- it is a short video, and I split a gut. One of the few I have actually kept to my hard drive of all the jokes I have seen.

I have to agree with all that is there, except for Oh. It is often taken a step further and presented as Oh, really...not a question, emphasis on really...lol.

[vicster605]

[Red Dragon]