Needing some help.(non-chow)

[sit_by_the_beach]

Sorry to hear all the troubles you are having. Life is hard as it is, never mind getting harrassed by a family member.If possible, walk away, don't respond to your brother's insults. That's emotional and physical abuse. Not good.

[chowfrnd88]

Jess, I just saw this. I wish I had advice for you, but the others have given a lot of great advice. Hang in there and know that we're here for you and thinking about you.

[Tippsy'smom]

Sorry to hear all the troubles you are having. Life is hard as it is, never mind getting harrassed by a family member.If possible, walk away, don't respond to your brother's insults. That's emotional and physical abuse. Not good.

It's not like it's any of you're faults... So there's nothing to be sorry for but thanks. I mean it sucks but I am working through it. Or at leats I try.

Jess, I just saw this. I wish I had advice for you, but the others have given a lot of great advice. Hang in there and know that we're here for you and thinking about you

Thanks.

Jess

[chow fancier]

Jess,

You are a very brave young woman and I'm proud of you. You absolutely did the right thing reporting the situation to the authorities. I understand that it was hard to do. And to top it off your mom, who should be your protector, reacted negatively and seemed to be angry with you. Her anger is displaced, as other's have said, she is angry that she can't control your brother, that her family is not what she had expected, that she didn't protect you, that you needed to be protected, and that other's are now aware of the family's dysfunction. And she is scared that she might lose one or both of you, whether you are removed by the authorities or run away from home.

Of course we want to be involved, that's what friends do.

I think we are all hesitating to ask this, but I'll be blunt: Does your father hit you, your brother, or your mother? What do you mean by going off? Is it all verbal or is anything physical involved? Not that I'm downplaying verbal abuse, it is real and painful as well.

Please do not run away from home, even though it seems intolerable. There is little to no chance of a healthy life if you do that at 16. Stay in school and study hard, education is so very important to open doors in the working world. Is there public transportation in your town? Are you close enough to anything to walk? I wonder if it wouldn't be to your advantage to get a part-time job. You would be gaining work experience that would help you to find your calling in the world, and that would make you more valuable when it is time for you to enter the full-time work force. And you would be earning money that you could set aside to help when it is time for you to go out in the world on your own. Of course, my first choice for you would be for you to work for a vet or boarding kennel but anything legal will do: retail, food service, cleaning, painting...whatever you can get to from you are.

We'd all like to see you go to college after high school because you are bright and articulate and have the potential to be anything you choose to be. However, and I admit I hesitate to even say this, there are other ways to get an education. I dropped out of college after my first year and went back later in life, twice so far. But I have to say, I always regretted not taking advantage of the time just after high school when I had no other responsibilities. It would have been much easier then. Only you know what your situation really is, so step back and look at it as objectively as you can: Can you go away to college? Look into scholarships, grants and loans. Go see your high school counselor and ask for help.

Your brother does need help. If your insurance won't pay for a psychologist, will it pay for a counselor, social worker, etc? Does your family belong to a church? Most Pastors have masters degrees that include training in counseling and if they feel he needs help beyond what they can offer, they have resources too. There should be a community mental health center where fees are based on income.

I wrote a book, too. Sorry about that. Hugs to you Jess, I'm sure you could use them.

[Jeff&Peks]

Verbal abuse can do more damage then physical abuse, verbal abuse by parents can destroy a kid for life and in relationship can do more damage to a female then physical abuse.

[Tippsy'smom]

I think we are all hesitating to ask this, but I'll be blunt: Does your father hit you, your brother, or your mother? What do you mean by going off? Is it all verbal or is anything physical involved? Not that I'm downplaying verbal abuse, it is real and painful as well.

My dad has hit me a few times but as he's learned the hard way my first response without thinking is to hit back... So mostly it's verbal with me and my mom. My brother on the other hand get's hit. My dad's over controlling. Get doesn't realize that he's raised a head-strong daughter, who's friends are guys for the most part other than a 3-4 girls, who has also learned to rotect herself in whatever way possible. So yes, when I get hit by anyone anywhere I hit back.

Please do not run away from home, even though it seems intolerable. There is little to no chance of a healthy life if you do that at 16. Stay in school and study hard, education is so very important to open doors in the working world. Is there public transportation in your town? Are you close enough to anything to walk? I wonder if it wouldn't be to your advantage to get a part-time job. You would be gaining work experience that would help you to find your calling in the world, and that would make you more valuable when it is time for you to enter the full-time work force. And you would be earning money that you could set aside to help when it is time for you to go out in the world on your own. Of course, my first choice for you would be for you to work for a vet or boarding kennel but anything legal will do: retail, food service, cleaning, painting...whatever you can get to from you are.

I couldn't run away from home even if I tried... for many reasons but for one is that I'd miss my mom. There's no public transportation here... since I'm in the middle of nowhere. So I couldn't even walk anywhere. My mom won't let me get a job at all until I get my drivers license and I haven't even gotten my learners yet.

Can you go away to college?

There is but the only college I'm even concitering is in PA and I REALLY don't wanna leave Tippsy... It's an art institute that sounds really good but I mean I don't wanna leave my best friend here with my parents and my brother...I know that probably sounds dumb for me to say but it's how I feel.

If your insurance won't pay for a psychologist, will it pay for a counselor, social worker, etc? Does your family belong to a church?

I'm not sure what it'll pay for... my parents don't really share that kind of stuff with me. I just happened to hear my mom over the phone one time telling one of her frieds about it. And I'm ashamed to say that we don't have a church that we belong to. I mostly just go to different ones with different friends from week to week.

I wrote a book, too. Sorry about that. Hugs to you Jess, I'm sure you could use them.

lol. it's alright. Thanks. I've needed a LOT of hugs lately.

Verbal abuse can do more damage then physical abuse, verbal abuse by parents can destroy a kid for life and in relationship can do more damage to a female then physical abuse.

I know this all too well. The stuff my dad says to me really tears me up inside but I don't show that to him... That's when I go in my room turn up my music, hold Tippsy and cry.

I know it seems like I'm coming up with excusses for why I can't do some things but everything I've said is true. And I hope that everyone can take my word on it.

Jess

[TJordan]

I just read this. Jess you are a smart girl and seem like a good kid. You did the right thing in asking for help and telling others about your situation. I hope things get better for you.

[Tippsy'smom]

Thanks.

Jess

[Larry Harris]

Jess,

You sound very much like my daughter. While growing up we had our differences and many times they blew up in to full yelling matches. I sadly had a terrible temper and would yell at the dumbest things. Fast forward several years... My daughter and I are now very close and I learn from her every day. I wish for you the strength to get through this tough time in your life and know that your parents do love you and want the best for you. Sometimes us parents just do not communicate well.

As someone posted you are indeed a very smart and brave girl for getting help, I think we are all proud of you and wish you the best in working through this tough time. You are doing thet right thing!

Larry and Terrina Harris

[Tippsy'smom]

Thanks Larry and Terrina.

Also being my dad's middle child doesn't help. He always gives my half-sister, who's 25, ANYTHING she wants... Sorry a little off topic but I think that's why mine and his relationship is so strained. Pretty much the only good thing he's done for me is bring Tippsy home and even then he didn't do it for me. She was supposed to be for my mom. And when my dad picks at me I know he's trying to have fun but he does it at the wrong time... like when I'm mad already and then he wonders why I yell at him and say to leave me alone... I mean come on how obviouse is that? I know there's a LOT that I don't understand but there's a lot that I do. So idk... there's just a lot me and him would have to work through to be close and I honestly don't EVER see that happening.

Jess

[kiwani]

Jess, It's important for you to realize that your brother's behavior towards you is mostly a way for him to *jolt* certain parts of his malfunctioning brain, in order to feel good about himself. You might consider contacting a local AA or Alateen support-group, to see if there is any psychological counseling route available through them.

All best wishes

[Mia]

"I know it seems like I'm coming up with excusses for why I can't do some things but everything I've said is true. And I hope that everyone can take my word on it."

We do believe you!

And, don't stop sharing. That's what we are here for.

In GA, there is the Hope scholarship. If you can get that and go into a GA college or University, you could always transfer after your first year. Sometimes you can share an appartment with other freshman and take Tipsey with you. There are ways.

Whatever you decide to do, don't stop sharing with us.

We are here for you!

[Tippsy'smom]

The reason I said;"I know it seems like I'm coming up with excusses for why I can't do some things but everything I've said is true. And I hope that everyone can take my word on it."; is because I know a lot of people who complain about me saying I can't do something for some reason...

I would love to be able to get the hope scholarship but I'm not qualified to... my grades are lower than they should be and I'm 1.5 credits short of where I should be at this point. I haven't totally given up on college it's just I'm not too sure if I even wanna go... I know a lot of people are gonna say I should but I just don't know. I don't know what I would wanna major in... and all sorts of other stuff. I feel like a lost puppy when it comes to the subjest of more school after graduation.

Jess

[Coco Chow]

I just read what is happening to you and I must say I'm so sorry about your situation.
Congratulations on seeking help, and be strong, there is a way out.
School is a good one. If you need to study far from home, you can still see Tipsy for breaks and taking her with you later when school is finished. Working hard at school must be difficult because of everything happening in your family. But it could be a good way to take your mind away from it as well...
I wish you the best, whatever you decide to do with your life.
Keep us posted on how things turn ok?
And purple kisses from Coco.

[Tippsy'smom]

I just read what is happening to you and I must say I'm so sorry about your situation.
Congratulations on seeking help, and be strong, there is a way out.
School is a good one. If you need to study far from home, you can still see Tipsy for breaks and taking her with you later when school is finished. Working hard at school must be difficult because of everything happening in your family. But it could be a good way to take your mind away from it as well...
I wish you the best, whatever you decide to do with your life.
Keep us posted on how things turn ok?
And purple kisses from Coco.

Thanks. I'm still trying to figure it all out but when I do I'll deffinatly let y'all know.

Jess

[Coco Chow]

On the Georgia Coalition Against Domestic Violence website, http://www.gcadv.org/, I found an shelter address in your town.
They say they can help with various issues, maybe they can help you deal with the whole situation, giving you ideas and advices?

McDonough
Flint Circuit Council on Family Violence, Inc. (Haven House)
Crisis Line: (770) 954-9229

[Tippsy'smom]

Thanks. Actually my friend Joe got all sorts of information from them for me. Thanks anyways.

Jess

[chow fancier]

Jess,

How are you doing? My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Tippsy'smom]

Jess,

How are you doing? My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I'm actually pretty good today... Upset a little for one of my friends but good. Thanks for asking.

Jess

[Tippsy'smom]

UPDATE:

Last night the sherriff came out looking for my mom, because my brother hasn't been to school. She's probably going to jail because of him and I can't do ANYTHING to stop it. She's tried everything in her power to get him to go but he won't...

If my mom goes to jail I don't know what I'll do... I can't stay with my dad we DON'T get along and I just can't deal with him by myself. I don't know what to do and I really need help... ANd I feel like I'm gonna be sick because of this.

Jess

[Jeff&Peks]

I doubt they will take your mom to Jail they will just ask what's up , why isn't he in School if she tells them he just won't go no matter what she does they will probably make other arrangements for him. sometimes this stuff works out for the best no matter how bad or end of the world its seems in the beginning, like I said I doubt very much if your Mom is going to jail unless Barney is running your town Y'all

[Tippsy'smom]

Well, she's been sent letters from the board of education saying that if he doesn't go to school they'll place it on her and my dad and one or the other or even both could go to jail. So I honestly don't know... he's only been to school 3 days sence January... If anybody should go anywhere he should go to military school or jouvie.

Jess

[Judy Fox]

Jess, I am so sorry about this situation and as I live on The Island, I cannot make any suggestions as I am not conversant with the laws covering this sort of assault over The Pond. All I can say is that over here, this would definately be dealt with but to be dealt with, it would have to be reported!
All I can say is that what he is doing is very, very wrong and I am sorry you are not getting the support you need from people who should be supporting you.
Do you have any family you can turn to - aunts, uncles, grandparents?
However, for goodness sake don't run away - there are far more dangers out there for a girl of your age. Be brave and just keep telling your parents and confide in your friends and your teachers and school councillors.
Remember, as the others have said, we are always here for you to sound off to.
So, hang in there and give Tippsy a big hug.
M & M send big snuggles and purple kisses to you.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[SHELA]

Jeff is right
but By law they have to contact parents first then see what the pattern is and whats going on with him in school.........example bad attitude not doing his homework .......things like that and if he still misses school or just decides he isn't going.......then they will talk to your brother and teach him things he didn't know that could happen to him.......and he will not like what he hears........good luck

[bama]

Jess,

I'm so sorry to hear you are facing these problems at home.
You have received so much good advice already, the only thing
I can add is my support.
All of us, here on the forum are real people, who care about each
other, including you. You are one of us, so of course we care about
what is going on in your life.
I think you have done well to communicate with your mom
about what you are feeling. As others have already mentioned,
your mom is not really mad at you, she is upset with the situation.

Knowing that you will not tolerate violence from your brother,
has to be reassuring to your mom that you will not allow anyone,
such as a future boyfriend or husband to abuse you?
I believe(deep down) your mom has to be comforted in knowing that her
daughter will stand up for herself.
I'll keep you in my prayers.