Non-Chow, but hilarious!
Moderator: chowadmin
Non-Chow, but hilarious!
A friend sent me this article. If it didn't happen, the author has a colorful imagination! Funniest thing I've gotted in weeks.
You don't need to be a dog owner to laugh at this one, but it probably helps!
Jasper and the Unbaked Yeast Rolls
We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in
the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For
those of you, who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption,
imagine taking in a 10 year old child whom you know nothing about
and committing to doing your best to be a good parent.
Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will
only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to
my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss
on me.
Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I should
tell you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this
habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several
nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress.
Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost
of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue
AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended
family, and a lot of friends that I like more than family most of
the time.
I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast
dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend.
I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven
hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole
darn house that worked, thus the assignment.
I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat
Thurs am. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine
the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams
latex paint #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them
in the living room to rise for 5 hours.
After 3 hours, Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in
about an hour. An hour later the rolls were ready to go in the
oven.
It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the
pans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I
called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He
literally wobbled over to me. He looked like a combination of
the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in
fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were
bloated.
I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of
uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK,
however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the
rest of the night.
God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any
more than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that
by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He
was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.
Naively thinking the dog would be all better by morning was very
stupid on my part.
We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog out
to relieve himself. Well, the darn dog was as drunk as a sailor
on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on
his butt and most of the time when he was walking his front half
was going one direction and the other half was either dragging
the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction.
He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at
the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our back
yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running into
the fence.
His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured
another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within
12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his
belly and that he was indeed drunk.
He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through,
it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him
Pepto Bismol.
Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded
him up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first
Thanksgiving meal of the day.
My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute
drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and
drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car
between Perry and I, we took off.
Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe
me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast
rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They
would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the
police station. But that's not the worst of it.
Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls.
God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this
for the entire trip to Karen's, thankful she didn't live any
further away than she did.
Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door
locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal
of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning
long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken
dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to
walk without running into something. Of course, as the old adage
goes, "what goes in must come out" and Jasper was no exception.
Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast
rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind,
but alas a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours
or mine. I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared
to leave Karen's house.
Having discovered his "packages" on the garage floor, we loaded
him up in the car so we could hose down the floor.
This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water
from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor
with stood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement
beginning to set up and cure.
We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one
else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands
and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the
floor. And as if this wasn't degrading enough, the darn dog in
his drunken state had walked through the! poop and left paw
prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too.
Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him
home and dropped him off before we left for our second
Thanksgiving dinner at Perry's sister's house.
I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to
normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no
longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also
happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked
yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door.
It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of
them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad
idea. Now, I'm doing research on the computer as to:
"How to clean unbaked dough from the Carpet."
And how was your day?
~Author Unknown~
You don't need to be a dog owner to laugh at this one, but it probably helps!
Jasper and the Unbaked Yeast Rolls
We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in
the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For
those of you, who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption,
imagine taking in a 10 year old child whom you know nothing about
and committing to doing your best to be a good parent.
Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will
only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to
my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss
on me.
Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I should
tell you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this
habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several
nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress.
Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost
of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue
AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended
family, and a lot of friends that I like more than family most of
the time.
I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast
dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend.
I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven
hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole
darn house that worked, thus the assignment.
I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat
Thurs am. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine
the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams
latex paint #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them
in the living room to rise for 5 hours.
After 3 hours, Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in
about an hour. An hour later the rolls were ready to go in the
oven.
It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the
pans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I
called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He
literally wobbled over to me. He looked like a combination of
the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in
fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were
bloated.
I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of
uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK,
however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the
rest of the night.
God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any
more than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that
by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He
was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.
Naively thinking the dog would be all better by morning was very
stupid on my part.
We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog out
to relieve himself. Well, the darn dog was as drunk as a sailor
on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on
his butt and most of the time when he was walking his front half
was going one direction and the other half was either dragging
the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction.
He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at
the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our back
yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running into
the fence.
His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured
another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within
12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his
belly and that he was indeed drunk.
He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through,
it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him
Pepto Bismol.
Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded
him up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first
Thanksgiving meal of the day.
My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute
drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and
drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car
between Perry and I, we took off.
Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe
me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast
rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They
would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the
police station. But that's not the worst of it.
Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls.
God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this
for the entire trip to Karen's, thankful she didn't live any
further away than she did.
Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door
locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal
of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning
long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken
dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to
walk without running into something. Of course, as the old adage
goes, "what goes in must come out" and Jasper was no exception.
Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast
rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind,
but alas a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours
or mine. I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared
to leave Karen's house.
Having discovered his "packages" on the garage floor, we loaded
him up in the car so we could hose down the floor.
This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water
from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor
with stood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement
beginning to set up and cure.
We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one
else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands
and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the
floor. And as if this wasn't degrading enough, the darn dog in
his drunken state had walked through the! poop and left paw
prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too.
Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him
home and dropped him off before we left for our second
Thanksgiving dinner at Perry's sister's house.
I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to
normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no
longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also
happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked
yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door.
It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of
them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad
idea. Now, I'm doing research on the computer as to:
"How to clean unbaked dough from the Carpet."
And how was your day?
~Author Unknown~
Yet another Sweetpea masterpiece
-
Chow Chow Mama
- Rank 3
- Posts: 2091
- Joined: Sun Oct 28, 2007 2:36 pm
-
vicster605
- Rank 3
- Posts: 4304
- Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2007 10:20 pm
- Location: New Orleans,La.
-
coleywoley
- Rank 2
- Posts: 696
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 7:26 pm
- Location: Rossville, Georgia
-
CloudeSkie
- Rank 1
- Posts: 193
- Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2007 12:44 am
- Location: Philippines
- Contact:
