I don't know where else to go...(non-chow)

[CHowgal]

Everything went from okay to complete and total hell in such a short matter of time... My parents take their frustration with my brother out on me. If I forget to do ONE thing, they yell at me and won't let me hang out with my friends, well, the ones that I still have... I get blamed for everything. And then with all they put on me they want to know why I can't get my act together at school and get good grades...

And then the guy who's been my best friend for almost two years turns on me, too. He said something about people coming to him saying I was mad at him for something stupid, when I HAVEN'T been mad at him for anything. And he took the other peoples' side when I tried to set it straight. And now, I feel like my hearts been ripped from my chest. And it takes EVERY ounce of strength I have to NOT burst into tears when I see him, or when someone brings him up, because ALL I want is to have his friendship back... Joe had ALWAYS been there for me. Now, instead of hugs, I get snide comments from him... I don't want to believe that he lied to me when he told me he loved me, but I'm begining to think he did. And I wake up EVERYDAY with a reminder of him and I don't know what to do, because I can't give Lullaby away. I just can't. I just wish this didn't hurt so much... I just know, I CAN'T even TRY to talk to him... No matter how much I wish to God that I could. Everybody keeps telling me"he's not worth it." But if that's true, why do I feel like he is? Why do I love him, when he's hurting me? Why do I long to just sit with him, get a hug, to just KNOW he's my friend, and that he cares? I miss the long, pointless phone conversations we used to have... the stupid inside jokes... And knowing he's a shoulder to cry on if I needed it. Feeling safe with him no matter what was going on. And I'm afraid of not having that anymore... I don't want him out of my life... But I don't know what to do about it...? He helped me, comforted me when I was upset, helped me escape from the reality of my life for even just a few minutes...I just wish there was something I could do...


Sorry this is so long... I just needed to let all that out...

[Auddymay]

Well Jess, I feel like I can relate a little bit about what you are going through, because Haley is close to your age and has similar problems. First, Joe did love you. Maybe he still does. Whatever was said to him to turn him against you, he must have believed. Usually, things like that have a component of truth- you said something unkind, but not hateful, and the gossip monger added their own bit.

If this is the case, write him a letter, and mail it to his home. Do not give it to him in school, where peer pressure might cause him to tear it up, or in an e-mail that can be deleted easily without even opening. In that letter- Apologize for any pain you caused (if that was the case) by an insensitive remark. Do not go into a long defense of yourself, but give him points to ponder, (why would I say blah blah blah when you know I feel differently). Lastly, ask him why he would not ask you directly your side of things. A true friend would. You can finish by telling him you still like him, which is why it is so painful now, and would like to talk it through away from school, if possible. If he maintains his position, screw it. Don't be a tool, sometimes you just have to let some friends go for your own well being. They say these are the best years of your life, but that is BS. These are the hardest years. If you survive HS, you can survive anything.

[CHowgal]

Thank you Auddy. I'll try sending a letter to his house... not sure if he'll really read it or not, but I guess it's worth a shot.

I mean, I KNOW that every stupid little comment he throws my way is just his way to see if he can get a rise out of me... It takes everything in me to not say something to him. No matter how much I WANT to say something I MAKE myself blow it off 'cause I know I'll say something I shouldn't...

And whatever someone's been telling him I've been saying, I haven't said anything I won't say to his face. So, I really don't know what they could've said that he's sided with, but in my letter I'm gonna straight up ask him why I would be mad at him for such a stupid reason... But the only thing I know is that if he doesn't listen to what I say, and sides with that other person, it's gonna hurt a HELL-of-a-lot worse... Because he's one of the most important people in my life. I just wish the memories I have with him didn't haunt my dreams...

But thank you again.

[Judy Fox]

Oh Jessy, Jessy, Jessy! I wish I could give you the answers you need but I cannot.
Audrey has told you good straightforward sense and you have listened to her. I cannot really add anything to what she has said except take a deep breath.
Refuse to listen to what others say. Keep your own council.
There are a lot of trouble makers out in a group - be it a school group - a group of people at work - or even a little avenue of 14 bungalows where I live.
The thing is with words, they can never be taken back - they are out there in the air and in people's memories.
Meantime, keep calm, keep dignified, don't give any potential trouble makers any ammunition and please Jess remember - these things will get better, one way or another.
Tell Tippsy - she will snuggle you.

(Click on the picture and you will see it big enough to read)

[CHowgal]

Thank you, Judy.
Lately, Tippsy and Jazz are the only ones I have been able to talk to about it. I don't wanna talk to my mom about it because her own issues and I don't want her to say something like "I don't have time for this crap." or something to that affect...

And I mean, I KNOW it's high school and friendships come and go, but I just don't wanna lose this one...

[Judy Fox]

Yes, I know Jess - the thing is he probably makes you feel secure - but don't close your mind or heart to other friendships. Snug up to Mrs. Tippsy the Wise One and the baby lad.

M & M would snug you if they were over with you and maybe, just maybe, they would give you a purple kiss - they are a bit mean with their kisses but they know when people are sad or upset.

XXXXXXXXXXX
(from M & M)

[CHowgal]

Yes, I know Jess - the thing is he probably makes you feel secure - but don't close your mind or heart to other friendships. Snug up to Mrs. Tippsy the Wise One and the baby lad.

M & M would snug you if they were over with you and maybe, just maybe, they would give you a purple kiss - they are a bit mean with their kisses but they know when people are sad or upset.

XXXXXXXXXXX
(from M & M)

PLease give M&M hugs from me. Tippsy's stingy with her purple kisses as well, but over the past few days I've gotten quite a few.

In a honesty, Joe DID make me feel secure for a long while... and for a few months, I don't feel that anymore. I have had this constant dread fill me. I've constantly felt like he could so easily slip away from me and that I'd lose his friendship... Especially when I thought about the fact that he's graduating in May. I never realized how hard it was to have the one you care so much about, turn on you...

[Judy Fox]

Just take care Jessy love and try hard to take deep breaths, keep calm and look ahead. You must do YOUR school work.
You must try to remember that when old biddies like me tell you "It does get better" and "....it happens" and "....its all part of growing up" - it actually is right.
When you are as old as me (66 yrs) I can say, "I have seen it all before" ..... which of course does not make you feel any better - but maybe it helps to know that you can and will get through this.
As I said before, snuggle it to Tippsy and Jazz and tell them. They are your best friends at the moment.

xxx

[Buddha4me]

I feel for you, Jessy and want to touch on something others haven't mentioned, and they may not agree with me, but that's okay. I grew up in a VERY disfunctional family, I won't even go into the dramatic details. I'm now 33, been married for 12 years despite everyone's doubts about me. When parent's have issues of thier own, they can't always be there for you, and really can't see where you are coming from. The man that raised me dumped everything on me, everynight at dinner, everything seemed to always be my, or the family's fault. I knew that was not the truth. I learned at a young age, to just get through dinner, so I could use the excuse of homework to get away from it all. And I threw myself into my school work, it was my outlet. We lived in the country, so I couldn't just go to a friends house or for a walk. It helped me keep my grades up, and helped me go to college...all on my own. I quickly learned I could deal with life without them. I broke off all communications with the people that raised me for several years after I graduated high school, it's only been in the last 5 years that I speak with them. Sadly now, the man that raised me is gone, but we made our peace before he died. See, my parent's didn't raise me, but I did get to see them on the weekends, they are both gone now too, I lost my Dad when I was 27, and my Mom at 31. We all had a better relationship after I moved on, and learned that I had to be my own woman, and that I could do it all on my own. You can too, sounds like you are a strong person, just find that strength and hold on to it. I too had a best friend that was a guy in high school, sometimes you have to let them go too, the friends I started out in high school with were not the friends I eneded high school with. Good luck, Buddha sends hugs and purple kisses for you.

[Zhuyos mom]

Jess, just write what you want to say to Joe on this thread. You're both thespians. So you are both sensitive individuals with delicate souls. I have a feeling he's been on the site missing you too.

[kiwani]

...Why do I love him, when he's hurting me?

Get in touch with your own sense of power and self-confidence. Don't allow yourself to be scapegoated or it will become a pattern in your life. Develope your talents and gifts, and allow friends to enter and exit your life as you both change and grow into who you are meant to be.

[Tippsy and Jasper's Mom]

Thank you all. This has been one of the roughest stretches I've hit in my life so far, but I know I can get through it...

Joe, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I got mad at you but I mean, you were accussing me of something that wasn't true... Have you concitered that I'm mad at myself for having ever let those feelings develope? You know I'm always there to talk about ANYTHING. You can question me about everything. Are you mad at me? I'm sorry I got so frustrated with you, but you weren't asking me about all that, you were accussing me... You know how quick tempered I am. But please, please give me another chance... I love you. You're my best friend, and I miss you... I don't want to wanna cry when I see you...

Love always,
Jessy

[Vlad_Priest]

Jess,
Look, I know I can be a total *Censored Word* at times and I thank you for putting up with that. Honestly, I thought you were pissed at me... but I am sorry. Please call me, or meet me tomorrow morning at school.

I love you.
Josepher

[Judy Fox]

Good Luck you two - and remember what I said to Jess earlier in this thread - once a word is said it cannot be drawn back in.

Anyway, be kind to each other.

M & M send purple kisses to you both.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Vlad_Priest]

Thank you, Judy. I'll keep that in mind from now on.

[CHowgal]

I'll call you after dinner, Joe... Thank you!

We'll both be keeping that in mind... Thank you, Judy.

[Vlad_Priest]

Thanks for calling Jess, just incase I didn't say it enough already... It felt so good to hear your voice again.

[Tippsy and Jasper's Mom]

Thanks for calling Jess, just incase I didn't say it enough already... It felt so good to hear your voice again.

Same here... it's been too long.

Always
Jess
aka
Shenzi