Gade, I miss you, so much.

RHENEGADE CHOWS · Post by **RHENEGADE CHOWS** » Fri Jul 27, 2007 7:13 am

today is just a hard day. everyday without him is. I can't ever explain how special he was, is. He was gentle and sweet...No words can describe him properly, I can't put to word how much he meant to me, how much he meant to all of the family. We lost our son, how chow son Gade 2 years ago today. I'll never forget him, nor will I ever be able to feel how my heart felt when I knew I'd never get kisses from him again, see him do crazy dog, have him jump in my lap, or brush his silky red fur again...To say I ache just doesn't cut it.
Gade I miss you so much, I just miss you so much. I wish we had more time. I am so thankful for what we did have. I hold those memories in my heart and there they will never die.

Dogdad · Post by **Dogdad** » Fri Jul 27, 2007 8:13 am

Carla, I never know what to say in cases like this even though I have been there too many times myself. I think you said it better than anyone else can

I hold those memories in my heart and there they will never die.

I am so truly sorry, I understand completely.
David

Layla · Post by **Layla** » Fri Jul 27, 2007 12:49 pm

I'm so sorry Carla. That bought tears to my eyes

Sojourner11 · Post by **Sojourner11** » Fri Jul 27, 2007 7:03 pm

Awww, he was a short lil guy like Marsh. Why did he die so young?

cheriekynb · Post by **cheriekynb** » Fri Jul 27, 2007 8:07 pm

Ah, Carla my friend, I'm so sorry that you're feeling so sad.

Hugs to you.

RHENEGADE CHOWS · Post by **RHENEGADE CHOWS** » Fri Jul 27, 2007 9:28 pm

thank you to everyone who showed support for me yesterday. It was just an extremely hard day.

2 years ago, in the morning he was chipper and happy...I did a foil highlight on a client and when I was done 2 hours later, and we walked out to where he was I wanted to share my chow boy with Amanda (my client) she had never seen a chow before and Gade was no ordinary chow in my book. He was exceptional, special. When we walked out and I called to him, he didn't move. To tell you how long it felt to go the distance across the yard screaming his name, my feet just couldnt move fast enough, my voice wasn't loud enough... I just knew something was terribly terribly wrong... he didnt even go in my arms... I wasn't there. He died without me... I held him and screamed and cried so hard my face went numb, like it is right now. Just numb. Like my breath itself was taken away and I'd never breathe again. I felt like I imagine I would if I ever lost a child unexpectedly. I had burried my furkids before. Only one that I didnt know was going to leave, but she was murdered. The rest, I held and made sure that they knew how special they were, are. I was able to say goodbye. I'll never be able to say goodbye to Gade. No amount of talking to his grave will cut it.
I remember saying over and over and over.. "I don't understand, I don't understand...over and over... my poor son Clint was there. He was equally as devastated. I didnt want him traumatized anymore so I made him go in the house. I couldnt control my emotions and I really didnt want him to see anymore of what he was seeing. His Mom hysterical, his best friend and "dog" dead... Flies tried to swarm him, it hot out.. I stayed and shewed them all away. They made me so angry, get off him... get off my baby!
Oh I am sorry... It's been 2 years but its still so raw. I just wish I knew why... I called the vet, she wanted me to pack him in ice. I couldn't... I just couldn't. I wanted to know but I didnt want him treated like a science experiment at that point. He looked like he fell asleep and didnt wake up from a nap. And I would just really like to think that he was having a really great dream of us playing like we were hours from doing and done earlier and stayed in that moment...because I live in those moments when I miss him, and if he stayed in those moments then I am right and we will always be together. Oh I know I sound nuts right now. and I feel nuts. I just miss him. I want one more play, I just want to say goodbye and to let him know how rich he made my life and hope that his short little life was as happy as I hoped it had been...
So some may think it was too soon to get another chowling after such a very tragic death. and it was NEVER to replace him... It was to be able to give that love that I have for the breed to another puppy in his name. He'd have wanted that. And I am so lucky that Gade has very much the same sweet soul he had/has.
But I miss Gade...

RHENEGADE CHOWS · Post by **RHENEGADE CHOWS** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 9:49 am

RHENEGADE CHOWS wrote:.... And I am so lucky that Gade has very much the same sweet soul he had/has.
But I miss Gade...

see.. I even called Bliss, "Gade" just now.. it's not the first time.
He isn't Gade, he is Bliss and I love Bliss for who he is. I couldn't have gone 2 years without a chow in my life...They are so special. I while I miss my beloved boy, I am so blessed. I just hope and pray that I never lose one of these babies as early as I have lost my previous loves. I know in 5 years time I will be a basket case wondering if one of my angels will pass, I hope in 15 years I am talking my sweet old chowlings and showing pictures of them with my grown children.
Is it wrong to want that so much?

j72 · Post by **j72** » Sun Jul 29, 2007 9:16 am

Carla... I am so sorry. There just aren't words for anyone to say and no action for anyone to take that makes the pain any less. There are all the typical things of he is at peace and his heart and soul live on, and while all that is so very true it tends to be little comfort without them here where you can hold them and smell they're soft fur against your face... feel they're kisses on your cheek. My prayers are with you always over such a loss. I know he held your heart.