My heart is broken.....I no longer have a shadow

PJeanfils · Post by **PJeanfils** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 8:04 pm

Love never ends
Current mood: crushed
Category: Life

..> ..> Cinnabear ...the sweetest little chow chow on earth...now heaven

Time has a way of escaping you, until the fret filled day you loose the one that so touched your heart. Now time is he enemy, wishing you could go in reverse and hold the one that made your heart complete just one more time.

I was such a proud "Parent"........Whenever I would take Cinnabear anywhere, everyone became so drawn to her. I cant begin to tell you how many people approached us wanting to pet her and ask questions about her.

Even as recently as this past February. I had taken her to PETSMART to pick out some treats and get food. I carefully placed her pillow in the cart, then her. You see her little legs were just wearing out and didn’t carry her very well.

It seems everyone that spotted her wanted to stop and pet her, asking how old the "puppy" was? When I would say she was 15, they couldn’t believe it. Everyone thought she looked like a little baby bear.

Cinnabear was quiet, reserved, and absolutely loyal to the very end. She was my shadow following me every where I would go. Even when her legs were giving out from a neurological disease, she would not retreat from being my shadow, braving every step until she was upstairs, by my side.

When I say she was loyal to the very end, I mean it literally. On the worst day of my life, she taught me how not to be selfish and she gave me something to hold on to.

There I was laying on the floor with her on her blankey, crying hysterically. I kept holding and hugging her, and telling her how much I loved her. When I was talking out loud hoping for some answer, I was saying I didn’t know what to do. I just kept saying "I'm not ready to let you go." It was at that exact moment that she licked me on my face giving me 2 kisses.

Now that may not mean anything to anyone else. Yet for me it was very symbolic because my baby "Bear Bears" just wasn’t a licker. I hadn’t known her to ever lick anyone ever before. Not even me......Until then. It was at that moment my heart broke even more. I knew she was telling me she was tired and it was time to let her go. It was time for her to join my Dad and her sister over the rainbow.

My little "Bear Bears", Cinnabear,
was with me for a short 15 years.
She will always and forever be in
my heart because she was
and always will be
"MY LITLLE GIRL".

In closing I can only say that if you love, truly love, sometimes the decisions you make aren’t necessarily what you want, but you make them because your love wins out in the end. IF you truly love, sometimes you have to let go.

<a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i175.photobucket.com/albums/w135 ... nabear.jpg" border="0" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket"></a>

Victory · Post by **Victory** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 11:12 pm

Your tribute brought tears to my eyes. There are many on this site who have been where you are now. And all of us may very well be in the future. 15 years is a long time, but on the other hand it is too short. We bring them into our lives knowing that if nature goes as it should we will be the ones left behind.

If I can remember what Judy rights, "Say not is sorrow that I am no more, but in joy that I was."

I hope that you will feel able to come to the other forums on this sight and share your baby's life with us.

JAYGOW1 · Post by **JAYGOW1** » Sun Apr 01, 2007 7:32 am

My condolences. God blessed you with 15 years. You are SO fortunate. Cherish every second that you spent together. May God heal your grieving heart.

Lana · Post by **Lana** » Sun Apr 01, 2007 1:00 pm

My prayers are with you at this most difficult time. Come here often, and share your grief; it has helped me to slowly heal from my loss and it will do the same for you.

How blessed you are to have had 15 years with your baby girl. You have so many memories and in time, they will bring you smiles instead of tears. Cinnabear is still with you in heart and spirit, and always will be. She will forever be grateful for the wonderful life you gave her, the love you shared, and the ultimate sacrifice you made in taking away her pain. Don't be afraid to think of her because it hurts, be thankful you have the memories to call forth. Cry as much and as hard as you want, and grieve for as long as it takes.

Chandler · Post by **Chandler** » Mon Apr 02, 2007 11:46 am

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Tears were rolling down my cheeks as I read what you wrote. ...especially that Cinnabear gave you two licks. I believe as you do that he was telling you something. They become such great friends, don't they?

I see that Lana wrote to you also. She just recently lost Puff. And, she's right...this site is really helpful with the grieving process. I lost my Chandler recently...and I found myself on this site all the time. Everyone here seems to care, and they understand the love and hurt you have.

God bless you during this difficult time. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

...Sandra

<a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p264 ... andler.jpg" border="0" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket"></a>

...my Chandler...I still miss him everyday.

Post by **Auddymay** » Mon Apr 02, 2007 12:55 pm

What a beautiful, poignant story. I often would put Lily in the cart at PetSmart too, but because she was a naughty little girl. It is a nice way for Cinnabear to still be able to go there. And it's true what Victory said- 15 years is a long time, but not nearly long enough for all the love to be expressed. I'm sorry for your loss.

bama · Post by **bama** » Mon Apr 02, 2007 8:25 pm

Your story has touched my heart and I am so very sorry for your loss.
You and Cinnibear, are both so blessed to have had each other for 15 long years, what a wonderful wealth of memories you must have? I'll pray that your heart be consoled, and your spirit comforted by all those glorious memories.

Sherill

Dogdad · Post by **Dogdad** » Tue Apr 03, 2007 2:40 am

I am so sorry

David

grim1900 · Post by **grim1900** » Mon Apr 09, 2007 7:27 am

I believe that heaven is different for us all.It does not make any sense if at the end of life we are all lumped into one persons version of a perfect reward.My heaven will include Cinnabear as well as every other dog on this page and many not mentioned here.Cinnibear will be there waiting for you to reunite someday.I believe this.Today my prayer is for you.

vtxandy · Post by **vtxandy** » Mon Apr 09, 2007 2:29 pm

You have no idea how close our 2 stories are. You are not alone.
Tinker and Cinnabear are waiting for us together.

Dear Lord, we miss our friends. Please comfort our hearts with frequent memories of purple tongues and smiling chow faces.

Andy

vtxandy · Post by **vtxandy** » Mon Apr 09, 2007 2:30 pm

You have no idea how close our 2 stories are. You are not alone.
Tinker and Cinnabear are waiting for us together.

Dear Lord, we miss our friends. Please comfort our hearts with frequent memories of purple tongues and smiling chow faces.

Andy

bama · Post by **bama** » Sun Apr 15, 2007 4:22 pm

Your story touched my heart!
Because, so many of us have felt the loss of a furkid,
our hearts grieve with you.

hopspal · Post by **hopspal** » Mon Apr 16, 2007 9:24 am

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It's wonderful that Cinnabear was able to tell you she was ready. She was lucky to have someone who loved her enough to grant her wishes.

hopspal · Post by **hopspal** » Mon Apr 16, 2007 9:25 am

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It's wonderful that Cinnabear was able to tell you she was ready. She was lucky to have someone who loved her enough to grant her wishes.

threedogjeep · Post by **threedogjeep** » Wed Apr 18, 2007 3:40 pm

I too have been in your shoes, felt the hole in my heart and the silence in my house. And I oh so believe that he gave you the message in the clearest way he knew how. I will look forward to meeting him someday, and will tell my Rufus, Quincy and Yoko to welcome him at the bridge!

Salandra · Post by **Salandra** » Thu Apr 19, 2007 12:51 am

I am deeply sorry for your loss. It is painful, to loose one we loved so much. (((hugs)))