Feeling guilty *warning: very sad*

[Fostermom]

I fostered a dog for a rescue that had a lot of problems. They weren't very honest with me, and they had issues with ordinances and whatnot (but I didn't do my research until it was too late). It was my first time fostering and I wanted to make a difference. I had done very well with my own dog. When I got my German Shepherd, she was shy and scared. After socialization and training, she had an amazing temperament and nearly perfect behavior. I thought I could help a dog that really needed help. He was a Chow mix. I think he was mixed with yellow lab or golden retriever. He has curly fur and had the Chow tongue. He was a stray and he had nowhere to go (not even a foster home). I was told he only need help with manners.

That was not his problem! He was food and water aggressive, and aggressive over random objects (including my (ex)fiance's dirty underwear). He only liked my dog. He would snap at my friend's male German Shepherd. He would snap at other dogs sometimes. If I kept him very close, on a short leash, he could behave at the dog park, but I didn't trust him off leash around other dogs. The rescue suggested feeding him with my hands. That resulted in one bite. I also tried praising him when my hand was near the bowl and he didn't get aggressive. Now, I know I shouldn't have done that, since I didn't know enough to do it the right way (at least I know I don't know much). I relied on a lot of information I got from being a behavioral therapist for kids (mostly redirection during anxiety, praise when calm, and waiting for calm and not rewarding excitement or aggression). I also spoke to a animal behaviorist an hour away (the rescue was two hours away). She suggested a lot of things, most I don't remember. None of it worked.

He was deemed not adoptable. It was up to me to keep him (my own idea) or have him euthanized. I was in no position to risk him biting someone or another animal, and me being responsible for it. He had already bitten me twice, once drawing a decent amount of blood. I was scared of him, too, and he was starting to notice. He wasn't able to be fostered by anyone else, either. I found out, at that time, that he had had serious issues at other foster homes. I emailed the people from the show "It's me or the dog", to see if the famous Victoria Stilwell could save him. I never got a response.

He was euthanized. It was terrible. They missed the vein and he bled. Me and my fiance cried our eyes out in the vet's exam room.

I still feel so guilty, years later. It has been almost 4 years. I wish I had asked Cesar Milan (on the show "Dog Whisperer") for help. I wish I had figured something out, somehow. I wish I had hired someone personally (although I wasn't in a financial position to do that either). I wish I had found him a home where he would be the only dog, and where he felt secure and so did his owner. I don't necessarily think any of that would have been possible.

I guess I'm just hoping someone here can put this into perspective for me. I'd ask you to relieve my feeling of guilt, but that's a lot to ask of people you don't know. I guess I don't know what I'm asking for. I can't change anything now.

*RIP, baby* I know you're at least happier where you are now

[kingalls]

You need to take comfort that you tried. I don't know that his issues could have been easily or quickly fixed. While I don't watch Cesar Milan and not much of Victoria, I don't remember them with a Chow Chow. I could not trust my angel Chowboy around anyone - not even my daughter and grandson. I had to keep him separate and was always on guard when having him out in public. He was food aggressive & believed that everything belonged to him. He was bonded to me though - I had his respect. Sounds like your foster had a string of not so good things happen which added to his issues. It's unfortunate that the rescue did not recognize all of the issues and that put the burden on you. Rescue & fostering can be really hard on the heart. It never gets easier but at least they were given another chance.

[Fostermom]

Thank you. That helps me. Every once in a while, it hurts just as bad as it did then. I've fostered guinea pigs since, and so I have had good experiences since, so I don't want to discourage fostering. I think most rescues are more helpful also. This one didn't even always return my calls either.

[Rory's Dad]

1st of all I would say that to the best of my knowledge, Caesar Milan has only attempted his methods with 1 chow. It did not go well. I may get some grief for saying so, but in my opinion, Caesar attempts to bully dogs into submission. This technique will not work with a chow. They have way to much pride to be wrestled into compliance. It is way more effective to offer mutual respect, strong leadership, and reward recognition for proper behavior. So, that being said, I don't believe hiring an 'expert' that utilizes those types of methods would have been successful in the least.

As a foster, the best thing you can do is offer a safe, loving environment where you show the dog that he is equal to the other household pets. You demonstrate that he won't be attacked by other animals and that his resources (food, water, treats, YOU) are not at risk. Once they are given to him, they are his. It definitely sounds like you made that effort.

I know I won't get any negative feedback for this statement, but Chows are one of the most difficult breeds to raise properly if you are not an experienced dog owner. Successfully having raised another breed should not be the only requirement. A GSD is a different situation completely. Chows require a strong leader who commands respect while exhibiting fairness while still being firm. An adult Chow will test boundaries and you would need to respond to that with equal amounts of firmness and understanding. I think that is why so many Chows end up in shelters and why the Chow has an (unearned) reputation. The chow is not for the new dog owner. They sense frustration, and generally react with a similar response. If they don't understand what is expected, they can resort to a more primal instinct.

Sadly, they also have one of the longest memory instincts of all breeds. If they have learned not to trust or have had that taken away, that is very difficult to overcome. I would venture that there was a reason he came to be in the shelter, though none of it his fault. He likely was either abused or neglected and had to resort to a survival mode. It is extremely difficult to retrain once he hits that spot. Not impossible, but hard.

As Kingsall said, it's unfortunate that the shelter didn't recognize the other issues with him. They may not have had him very long, or may have been aware that such issues would doom him from a foster situation. Either way, that shouldn't have been put on you. Since he got along with your GSD, he likely had positive interactions and added those to his experiences. Probably better than any other memories he would have had.

Your takeaway should be that you provided an opportunity that never would have been there had you not taken the chance. For perspective, I will tell you that I have owned 5 Chows over the past 20 or so years. None have been a rescue and I wonder if I would take on that challenge. I have carefully selected my Chows from litters that have a well-behaved, balanced lineage. I can personally shape their socialization stages and address and guarding issues when they are young pups.

Please know that fostering is a wonderful enterprise, and your efforts are worthwhile. You should feel no guilt or remorse for trying.

[Sirchow]

I don't post much here any more but felt compelled to answer this sad post. I agree with every word Rory's Dad said. In particular regarding Caesar Milan. To take a confused dog who feels compelled to protect himself and his food etc through never having been treated right and being passed from one bad situation to another and to try and bully him into submission would be like coiling a spring even tighter. Down right dangerous.

I think you should not beat yourself up. Even with the best trainer in the world I think it is unlikely this dog would ever have been adoptable. At some level if pushed far enough he might have reverted to lashing out....at a kid crawling across his bone or a small dog getting in his face. It would have been an unpredictable situation...always.

I can imagine how the guilt still comes back to you. We had a chow mix years ago for a short time that didn't work out. She was sweet and went eventually to a perfect situation for her but I still feel a part of me will always grieve for the fact I let her down. We had never owned a dog before and had no idea how to deal with her problems. Please know you did the best you could and may have saved someone from a tragedy. I am sorry the buck stopped with you to have to deal with this. Take pride in knowing you tried.

[Fostermom]

Thank you. I'm glad I went here. I think this is the first thing I've had that is going to help me feel a little better. Thank you for the information on Chows. One lady at the dog park, who saw him, said that Chows were more aggressive than other dogs, but I didn't think much of it. I guess I assumed that I could still help him, and that I just had to keep that in mind. I didn't know much beyond that. I tried to find a Chow expert, but I didn't even know how to do that. I'm not even sure I'd know how to that now, but now I'd make sure to make calls until someone knew someone. I thought she would be similar to my German Shepherd with training. I know German Shepherds like to be trained and work for and please their owners. They just need someone that knows how to be alpha, train them, and remain consistent (that's a very simplified way of saying it though). And you're right about him sensing my frustration. After the first serious bite, I couldn't hide my fears/frustration very well.

He was a stray from a different state. I'm guessing he didn't always know when his next meal was going to be or how he was going to get it. One of my big concerns was showing him that I would always feed him, and that I loved him, no matter what. Maybe I didn't have him long enough for him to learn that, or maybe he had suffered too long to relearn how things work. Also, we'll never know exactly what happened to him out in the world. The rescue knew about his problems though. That's why he had been to so many foster homes before me. They just had decided to tell me he had manner issues, until I started getting really frustrated and kept calling for help (then, they explained his history to explain why I shouldn't feel bad and why he may have had to be euthanized). I don't think that rescue was running the way it should have been at all. The support network for fosters was lacking. And they had issues with having too many dogs at one place, and other issues (that I looked up too late). I now help out with an exotic rescue. She's very knowledge and very careful about doing everything right. And she will answer questions about my guinea pigs, even though I didn't adopt them from her (she didn't have any at the time). And I want to foster German Shepherds when I own my own home. I've learned a lot from my dog, I've read about German Shepherds, and I'm learning things from online groups and forums.

I think he liked my dog, mostly because she was female. He seemed to hate all males, but would at least give females a chance. Also, I don't if my dog is necessarily submissive (I can't remember her ever going into a submissive pose or showing other signs). I think she was mostly just non-confrontational. She stayed out of his way when he wasn't happy. And she only interacted with him when he initiated nice play or affection/attention. She was another reason I worried though. I couldn't have him hurt her. I don't know that should would have recovered physically or mentally. I also couldn't risk him biting another person or dog, considering the legal and financial ramifications, and considering they probably would have euthanized him after that anyway.

Thank you again.

[CocoLeBear]

I am so sorry you still have this guilt. Try to seek solace in the fact that you showed him love, even if it was difficult for him to be loved.

Not every dog can be rehabilitated. My rescued chow, Coco, does not get along with other dogs and so I took her to the UPenn Vet Behavior Clinic to see if this could be remedied. It was incredibly informative, however they were very up front that her best case scenario would be to be monitored, in a room with another dog, with both dogs on their own mats (i.e. not by eachother). They also explained that there are many factors that go into a dog's behavior than simply their human counterparts. For example, they explained that if the mother dog is under stress while the dog is in utero, the dog is predisposed to stress, anxiety, and not being able to handle things.

A final note - one of the things they explained to me is that the scientific community abandoned the dominant/submissive (alpha) theory of canine behavior (used by Ceasar Milan) over 20 years ago. Now, scientists understand that dogs generally act out of fear - what Cesar sees as aggression is actually the dog acting out of fear, which requires a different treatment plan. They also explained that when Cesar does the bully into submission thing, that is exactly what happens--the dog is shutting down, and is actually becoming more dangerous and will likely react more seriously next time.

Anyways, I am really sorry you have had this experience, and I hope you are able to come to a personal resolution about it.

[Clin]

In my opinion you commit an error. I can prove it.

[Pinoy51]

I stopped giving fee back in this forum, because usually all "new" questions have been answered by someone previously and mostly perfect or the question is outside of what I think I have learned.
This topic is different, so I have something to say again.
It's sad to read about the unneccessary dead of a Chow, but it isn't the fault of a single person. As usual when catastrophes happening, it is a series of events leading to a distarous outcome.
Could it have been prevented ? Yes, absolutely. Could it have been prevented by only one person ? No, it takes more then that.
Listening to Cesar properly would have worked. I wonder why he is so often misinterpreted among Chow owners.
Our dogs are somewhat different from any other dog bread, but they're still dogs.
Fear is absolutely recognized by him as one of the driving forces for aggression among dogs.
Why is it so difficult to understand his basic message, which would have also helped to rescue the poor fellow in this case.
You need to be calm and assertive as a dog owner and strive to have a calm submissive dog or pack as your folllower(s). Discipline and affection,in this sequence need to happen.
Putting your hand next to a food agressive dog while feeding is a sure way to get bitten. "I didn't trust him, I was afraid...." That's all clear sign of lack of calm assertive leadership which confuses the dog more and brings out the worst behaviour.
So please everyone out there don't attempt to rescue any dog, if you're not up to it and don' t have the skills and support needed.
Sally, my second female Chow, is my fourth rescue, but my first Chow rescue. Nala , my first female Chow was food agressive already as puppy. I got bitten by Sally when I interfered in a fight started by Nala over a stray piece of food on the floor. Simba, my male Chow is dominant and passive agressive, he needs a steady dose of discipline, prior to affection.
With calmness, discipline and affection and without fear, we overcame all issues . And I have now a stable pack of five dogs, three Chows and two mixed breeds. No fights, no fear, no frustration.
I'm sure you did what you could and it is very unfortunate that no professional help was available.
But for the benefit of others, with the right approach even this Chow could live a happy life still. No dog needs to die prematurely, with the right approach to rehabilitation of behavioural issues.