Cinder has moved on

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chow fancier
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Cinder has moved on

Postby chow fancier » Sat Oct 31, 2009 9:43 am

Last night I had to do the hardest thing we do in our caring for these furkids. I had to ease Cinder's transition from this world to the next.

Cinder was diagnosed with an inoperable stomach tumor 7 weeks ago. I had been making and pureeing nutrient dense food, and feeding her small frequent meals as the size of her stomach was much reduced and it was difficult for her to eat and keep down enough food to maintain her life. A week ago we saw her vet who was surprised at how well she had done on my regimen. But in the last week she was able to keep down less and less, was less interested in walks and rides(her two favorite things other than food), and spent more and more time pacing restlessly. Yesterday, I finally had to admit to myself that her quality of life was so diminished that I was keeping her around for my comfort, not hers.

So we went on one last walk, and one last car ride, and I held her in my arms and said goodbye as the vet administered an injection and she peacefully left this world. And I thanked the Lord for the ability to end her suffering and cursed him for the responsibility to do the same.

And so in my belief system, she is in heaven, no more pain, no more stress, can hear again and is doing zoomies in a beautiful place. (Not a big fan of the bridge as I don't think my kids should have to wait for me to enter heaven). So, I should be happy and relieved for her, shouldn't I? Instead, I sit here with tears running down my face and miss my little girl and wish she had been with me longer. It was between 5 and 6 years ago that she came home with me from the shelter and ran up the stairs and jumped on the bed in the master bedroom, curling up at the middle of the foot. And found her way into my heart, as they all have. She was not my first dog or even my first chow, but it doesn't get any easier just because I've been through it before.

I hear some say, I just couldn't go through the pain again so I won't ever have another. And I remember:
The joy I felt each and every day when I came home and a furkid greeted me as if I had been gone a lifetime.
The ability to make each furkid dance with joy by offering their favorite activity.
The softness of the chow fur as I hugged them close.
The attentiveness they displayed whenever I wasn't feeling well.
Brushing for what seemed like hours until there is a pile of fur larger than the chow that remains, when the undercoat sheds.
The preciousness of a rare purple kiss.
The joy of watching zoomies, especially puppy zoomies.
And Cinder, the proudest of all, who so enjoyed obedience school even though those humans insisted on petting her on top of the head, when she wanted them to scratch under the chin instead.

And I know I can't live without it. So there will always be a chow or two in my home. And many in my heart.

Cinder, you were very much loved and will be well missed. Know that because of you and the bond we shared other chows will know love too. Thank you for all you brought to my life and I will see you when it is my time. Hugs to you, little girl.

And I hug Teddy so tight it confuses him today. But he stays by my side and comforts me. PTL
Jerilyn
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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby Sirchow » Sat Oct 31, 2009 10:22 am

I am so sorry to read about the loss of your dear Cinder. How sad it is and I can't help the tears because you wrote about it in such a beautiful way. Thank you for sharing her last few hours and your feelings. I know you will remember the good times but remember to give yourself time to grieve too. Give Teddy a big hug he must be missing Cinder too. [:D]
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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby onthemove » Sat Oct 31, 2009 10:26 am

My deepest sympathies to you and your family. It is one of the toughest experiences my husband and I ever had. It will get better with time. I am so glad you have Teddy to hold and love.

You gave a beatiful tribute to a beautiful friend.
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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby chowhuskylass » Sat Oct 31, 2009 10:52 am

I am so sorry for your loss, but was moved by your beautiful tribute

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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby Mia » Sat Oct 31, 2009 11:42 am

I am so sorry for your loss and your pain.
This is the most difficult part of taking care of our furkids.
When I was having my chows blessed for St. Francis day, the minister said that all our animals are in a constant state of grace.
And, I believe that our chows are in a constant state of grace - and will forever be.
Mia
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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby CoraP. » Sat Oct 31, 2009 1:17 pm

I'm so sorry to hear Cinder is gone. I, too, know the pain and loss. We all do. Your tribute to her is absolutely beautiful, as I'm sure she was. Godspeed, Cinder.
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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby Victory » Sat Oct 31, 2009 2:59 pm

So very sorry to hear of your loss, Cinder had a wonderful life with you. You wrote a very moving tribute to her.
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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby Boogie and Linda » Sat Oct 31, 2009 4:11 pm

What a beautiful tribute. I am so sorry for your loss.

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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby Auddymay » Sat Oct 31, 2009 5:19 pm

I clearly remember looking at Cinder at Woofest and thinking she was a stunningly beautiful chow. She even allowed me to pet her, though I went for her cheek, and not her head. I am so sorry you had to let her go like you did. My thoughts are with you and your husband, and of course, sweet Teddy. God Bless you all.

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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby SWANCIN » Sat Oct 31, 2009 5:22 pm

Dear Jerilyn,

My heart hurts for you. You and Cinder are so blessed to have had each other.

Peace to you,
Cindy & Kodi

I Wanna Go Chase Something!!!!!
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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby kingalls » Sat Oct 31, 2009 9:49 pm

God speed, Cinder...what a beautiful tribute.
Karen, Kohana, Takoda, and our Chow Angels Nahkohe and Shiloh

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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby Judy Fox » Sun Nov 01, 2009 5:31 am

Run Free Cinder - the Happy Hunting Ground is a wonderful place, I believe - where every day is spring and there is no more pain. :)
Jerilyn - you gave her a wonderful home and she knew you loved her and you knew she loved you. It is so hard when you have to make the decision to let them go but it is your final act of love and you fulfilled it. :)
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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby chow fancier » Sun Nov 01, 2009 11:16 am

Thanks to everyone. It so helps to talk to those who understand the bond between a chow and their human. I never felt I owned any of my chows, rather I was their companion and they were kind enough to indulge me.

I have now lost three, all black chow girls, all in the last six years and yet I feel called to continue to care for these magnificent creatures during their all too short stay on this earth. Cinder came to me when I needed her most and immediately chose me as her human. Chana was my very first chow and she taught me the joy of zoomies, that chows can shed piles of hair bigger than themselves, that hardwood floors are best as the fur ends up in puffs around the edges of the room and can easily be gathered up without cleaning an entire floor daily, and that one chow was not enough for me. Tasha joined us a year later and taught me that double zoomies are better than single zoomies, that not all chows like dog beds, that puppy teeth are good at shredding pantyhose while you wear it (until you teach them not to mouth humans), and that even when they are the best of friends for many years, a pair of same *Censored Word* chows can suddenly turn on each other. Teddy is teaching me patience, as he has never been in a hurry about anything. I am trying to teach him to move as he is the laziest chow I have ever known, but so far he is out-stubborning me.

So when we are ready for our next addition, we will be looking for a young chow girl, who is playful and will teach Teddy that you can play with other chows (Cinder taught him that she was much too dignified to play with him), and I will wait to see what she has to teach me.
Jerilyn

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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby ADKH » Sun Nov 01, 2009 11:41 am

I feel your pain, I went through this a month ago with my baby. I miss him today as much as I did that night he was put to sleep. No other dog will replace him ever. I hope you can adjust and only time will make it better I think. I give you and your family my condolences.

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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby atphiladelphia » Sun Nov 01, 2009 3:09 pm

last year we had to put down our black female, and she left behind red chow friend teddy too. It was so hard, stills is, but worth every minute. Hang in there our thoughts are with you.
    Ashley & Chow babies, Tucker & Penny!

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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby chowchowdaddy » Sun Nov 01, 2009 3:36 pm

I am so sorry to hear about Cinders, but it's something that we all face eventually, no matter how much we may ignore it... But, you have many wonderful memories, I loved reading about her and she'll be sorely missed! The pain doesn't get better, it just sorta dulls after awhile...

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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby Chloe's Mom » Sun Nov 01, 2009 3:50 pm

So sorry to read of your loss. Cinder had something special with you that many shelter dogs still hope for: someone to take them home and love them.

It was a bit breezy here yesterday, perhaps it was Cinder's spirit's zoomies that kicked up the wind.
Chloe says "Yes it is all about me."

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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby Piff Poff » Sun Nov 01, 2009 5:09 pm

So sorry for your loss. Run free Cinders, run free xoxoxox
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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby MoMo1224 » Sun Nov 01, 2009 5:28 pm

Your writing is so beautiful and it's very obvious how much you love Cinder. She was very lucky to have such a great parent and so is any other chow you choose to share your life with. You and Cinder are both in my thoughts.
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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby Coco Chow » Sun Nov 01, 2009 11:50 pm

I am so sorry for your loss... it is so heartbreaking, poor Cinder, my deepest sympathies.
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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby Dogdad » Mon Nov 02, 2009 6:08 am

I am so sorry for your loss, When you think of Cinders remember that she had a wonderful life with you and she love you for the kindness and happiness you gave her. You did what you had to do, it is the ultimate symbol of love. Cinders in still with you in your heart as well as those of us who loved hearing about her life

David

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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby lightforce18 » Mon Nov 02, 2009 11:22 am

im so sorry for your loss :(

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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby chowpups » Mon Nov 02, 2009 11:49 am

Iam sorry to hear about Cinder, its such a lovely tribute to Cinder and a greater understanding of our feelings at times like this. I hope you find comfort in all your lovely memories of each chow you had and have.

Nancy
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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby Tippsy'smom » Tue Nov 03, 2009 8:45 pm

I'm so sorry to hear that Cinder has passed. She was a beautiful girl. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Tippsy and Jasper send purple kisses.

Hugs,
Jess
R.I.P. Cinder~1992-1994, Tippsy~9/00-4/11, Jasper~10/08-10/14, Todd~2/11-7/15
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Re: Cinder has moved on

Postby Layla » Wed Nov 04, 2009 8:48 am

I'm so sorry to hear about Cinder. My deepest sympathies & empathy. Take good care, x
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