Tess & Me

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Mia
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Re: Tess & Me

Post by Mia »

Awww...my Mia looks just like your Tess. In some pictures she has these crazy light-bulb yellow eyes, but in person they are a lovely almond soft brown.

Your Tess looks so comfortable and happy.

Merry Christmas to you and Mike.
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Re: Tess & Me

Post by Me & Tess »

I think so too. Everytime I see your Mia, I can see my Tess. I tried to stay away from this site, but I still need you all.

Mike & I wish you all a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year. '08 has had some very dificult, hard, sad moments, thank God, for the happier moments. I hope and pray for a happier new year. Nancy
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Re: Tess & Me

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This weekend was a replay of 3 months ago to the day. We made our decision that Thursday and spent the weekend with Tess. Monday was the fateful day. I can still smell the essence of her, still feel her soft fur. It is an imprint on the senses of my mind. Like the first time you hold your baby in your arms, the feeling exists forever. When I remember back to that day and smell and feel her, I am completely relaxed. I can re-play it in my mind over and over again, it is a gift that Tess has left me.

This is a picture of a Christmas past. Christmas Cabin. Merry Christmas to all with love.
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Re: Tess & Me

Post by Me & Tess »

We had a wonderful Christmas, it was just Mike & me. Matt tried to make it up on Monday, but it was a bad day for travel, his flight was cancelled from Las Vegas to Salt Lake, then he was put on standby, his standby was delayed and he had to turn back to San Diego, as he couldn't make all his connector flights to Glacier International. Those things don't always turn out, especially when the weather is bad in the north country. Spokane was cancelling flights in the morning (that's where we get our TV stations from) so I had it in my mind that Matt may encounter problems. He called on Christmas day from his new apartment and was having a Hungryman turkey dinner. It was a bummer, but he is planning to come up in the spring or later. Mike got me a spinning wheel - it was a total surprise - it is vintage.. I need to learn how to spin fiber, then I will make some yarn out of Tess' fur. I only wish I had save more of her fur.

The roof is finally unloading. One year I let Tess out the front door as soon as I closed the door the roof unloaded - it was a big noise, I thought oh no! Tessy!!!! She had just made it down the porch stairs and only got a little snow on her. Close call. My sweet Tess. She loved the winter. This would have been the best for her, lots of snow. I most likely would be out in it more, walking with Tess. We put the blades of grass on her grave on Christmas day. I was going to do it first thing in the morning, but it was hard & we put her grass on her grave in the afternoon. Still the tears flow.
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Re: Tess & Me

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Tess remembered everything, especially certain things she didn’t like. She didn’t like “back yard” with “get behind the gate.” She didn’t like back doors because they led to the “back yard.” She didn’t like the bathrooms because once I tried to give her a bath in the bathtub in Norwalk. Our cabin almost mirrored our house in Norwalk California. She would only go so far into the kitchen, she wouldn’t get close to the back door that led outside. She wouldn’t go into the hallway, the bathroom was off of it. She hated it if I spent the night away from the house or cabin and would blame Mike by going in the dining room and turning her back on him. She watched me work in my raised bed garden, but wouldn’t go inside the “deer fence.” It was a fence! This is one girl that remembered & held grudges! She was also one girl that loved me not matter what. When we stayed at the “Airport," sometimes I needed my space, and to my shame I would take walks without her, lock my self in our car or lock myself in the bathroom. She loved me unconditionally. I love her unconditionally. We are not perfect beings. What we had in common was that we didn’t want or need confinement in the greater sense of life. We were freebirds, my Tess & me.

Happy new year everyone. Hopefully this year will lead to wonderful new relationships, wonderful experiences. Live life for the moment, there is nothing wrong with that, but always look to a bright future. Life is filled with morning glories and wild blue flax. Let the wild flowers abound. Tess & I are the morning glories in the morning and the wild blue flax in the evening. Our morning walks and our evening walks, remembered.
Last edited by Me & Tess on Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:54 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Tess & Me

Post by CoraP. »

Happy new year to you, too. They always say chows never forget, and your Tess certainly didn't. It is very comforting to know they love you no matter what. I think they are the only beings capable of that!
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Remember this, and also be persuaded of its truth - the future is not in the hands of fate, but in ourselves.
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Re: Tess & Me

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I was going to edit my last post with this song. Then I decided to just play it forward. I miss my Tess so much. I made it just fine (though I don't know how) over Christmas. The New Year around 2:30a sucked. I woke up crying so I went down stairs until I could pull it together. Couldn't stop. I missed her so much. I have a spinning wheel and I will spin her fur when I learn how. I miss the warmth of her and burying my face in her fur. I miss our walks so much. We had sun today, but I didn't go out for a walk. I thought of it, and missed it. To anyone who is looking into owning a Chow, know this and know this as true; a Chow is not a dog, a Chow is a special being, taking your heart. A Chow needs special people (like those who are on this board) to love and above all protect them, to accept them for who they are and how they are.

Freebirds
If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be travelling on, now,
'Cause there's too many places I've got to see.
But, if I stayed here with you, girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can't change.

Bye, bye, its been a sweet love.
Though this feeling I can't change.
But please don't take it badly,
'Cause Lord knows I'm to blame.
But, if I stayed here with you girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you'll never change.
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can't change.
Lord help me, I can't change.
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Re: Tess & Me

Post by Me & Tess »

What is life without Tess? I will tell you, very hard. She anchored me. My girl. My soul mate. We traveled the trails less traveled. The only "being" that put a harnesss on me was a dear Chow named Tess. Not my parents, not my husband, sister or son or daughter. It was Tess & me. I want to think that it was me & Tess to the end. We were partners in crime if need-be. Tess & me - T & me - Tessy & me.
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Re: Tess & Me

Post by vicster605 »

[:D]
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Thanks Sweetpea!
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Re: Tess & Me

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I see in my mind little snippets of life with Tess. From the very beginning it was like she was mine all her life, and there she was, a big Chow girl, not a little fluffy puppy, but an I am in your face big wonderful adult black as coal Chow. She had acquired a strange habit in the evening. When I went to take my bath, I would say to Tess “I am taking a bath now,” and she would go to the bedroom and hop up on the bed. Strange girl. After my bath she was still on the bed, plowing her nose all over the bed clothes. I always told her when I was “going to work.,” or “going to the store.” She liked me “going to the store.” When I came home she liked to smell all the bags of food. If I didn’t “go to the store” and bring back bags of food she would want to smell my mouth. Don’t know what was up with that one. I guess she caught me in a lie! The first week; it was late night (of course) Mike was in bed. Tess & me started our routine of late nights right away. All of a sudden I noticed Tess’ eyes were glowing, “Dogs” eyes don’t glow! Cats eyes glow! I got scared and called Mike out of bed to put Tess out, so ashamed. I got used to her glowing eyes and besides Tess was not a dog, she was a Chow!

Snow and ice cover her grave. Snow and ice is covering everything! This would have been a wonderful winter for Tess. She loved to lay in it and stare out into the forest. I often wonder what she was thinking. What was behind those beautiful dark amber eyes? What stories she could tell? I am the story teller for Tess. She was a fortunate soul that just walked into our lives one February afternoon. We were so blessed that our paths crossed. I have tried not to cry since my early morning New Years melt down, maybe a little cautious thinking of her. A few tears trickle down my cheeks every once in a while. Sometimes a couple of sobs in private. Miss you my girl.
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Re: Tess & Me

Post by chowkidz »

I do not want to take away from your wonderful post about your lovely Tess but i would like to thank you for your heartfelt writings about Tess and ask if its ok that i live thru you and your writing to help me with Jade. We both lost our fur babys around the same time and the things you write have touched me and have helped. I could never write the way you do, do to many years of 3 stooges and bugs bunny and company, but everything you write helps remind me of all the awesome memories i have of Jade.

Thank you again for sharing your love and pain.

Michelle
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Nanook & Keyko...and in loving memory of our little princess, Jade
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Re: Tess & Me

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Tess was cautious of strangers especially when it came to me When she didn’t trust the person she would sit on my feet and stare squarely in the person’s eyes, just daring them to get close. We had to replace a fence and the contractor remarked that Tess acted so differently with me than she did with Mike. In Norwalk, Matt and I watched her when people she didn’t know came to visit. Tess would do this sideways John Wayne walk, head down, back hairs up and we knew there could be trouble. As Tess got to know Matt’s friends she mellowed and learned to like Matt’s friends. Tess didn’t like anyone to hug me as a greeting, she would give a low growl and try to get in between. At the end of her days, Tess thought she was the center of attention. She couldn’t get or give enough love.

When we lived in Norwalk, Tess didn’t like other dogs especially females. I had to break up fights between her and other female dogs. The last was at our cabin 6 years ago. Our neighbor’s dog, Shocker, a sweet Lab came to visit, and I feel so bad, Tess went after her on our front porch. I had to take a plastic chair and wedge it between them to break up the fight. I grabbed Tess’ collar, and Shocker ran for home. But as Shocker ran, she stopped and looked back at me, so sadly, as if I had crushed her heart. That was Tess’ last fight. Shocker was the mother figure to various dogs that our neighbor, Bob owned, among them two Sammy’s, and one Beagle that Arlie owned. Shocker was the alpha, although she was on the small side. The dogs up here in the north country have free range. I kind of feel that Tess missed out on Shocker’s guidance around the mountains. Tess couldn’t and wouldn’t be a friend to Shocker. Tess was her own. We were her own. She was our own.
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Re: Tess & Me

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I missed my girl today. I don’t know what started the tears. I guess it was a deep feeling of loss I woke up with this morning. When I had a particularly hard day I could always count on Tess to sit beside me in the evening. I would pet her soft smooth fur and I would feel better. There was a funny thing she did. If I stopped petting her she would give a low deep growl and play snap at me, never touching me. If I didn’t start petting her, her growl would get louder and louder, and louder, afraid that she would wake the family or neighbors, I would relent, giving her a smile and a giggle. Wish I had my Tess to sit by my side tonight.
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Re: Tess & Me

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I read that Chows were graceful beings. In our early years,Tess was a fluffy big black ball of fur. She seemed to move effortlessly, doing her zoomies with Mike in the darkness of night, the glide of an angel, fur flowing back. Jumps and leaps! She was a beautiful sight, if you could see her through the darkness. Well, one evening, early years, I let Tess out the back door and tumbledown over tumbledown she went, off the back porch. Don’t know what happened. She had the strangest look, her eyes were questioning me. I didn’t know what happened, she didn’t know what happened. Again, I laughed and I think she laughed with me. My dear sweet girl. My gentle, graceful, beautiful Tess.
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Re: Tess & Me

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Tess walks with me now only in my dreams. Some of her story was told, some will remain remnants in my mind. She was my Forever Chow Girl and will forever be in my heart. This Spring the wild flowers we gathered in the Fall, will bloom. I will sit on the hill, in the midst of blue and remember days not long past, memories of my beautiful Tess. She is now the whisper in the wind, the light and fluffy snow falling gracefully from heaven. My Tess, I miss you so In memories alone, we will take our walks at midnight, spend the evenings watching the nighttime sky, for the evenings were ours. Sleep peacefully now my girl. Softly sleep, and so will I.
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Re: Tess & Me

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I tried the "other site, " but didn't feel welcome. I think some new Chow owners can still learn from Tess & my experience & life together. Matt finally came home for 10 days. The first thing he did was visit Tess' grave. We talked about Tess now and again. She was so perfect for the life we have up here in the North Country. We didn't give Tess any task that she had to worry about. That was a big gift to her. She didn't have any bad habits except for being territorial. And, in that I did welcome the terrilorial way she had when there was wild life around. I cry every once and a while, missing her. She was an old girl, a beautiful girl. We were blessed by her, Tess wanting to stay so very close to us. She was a stray from the mean streets of Los Angeles California. She dearly loved us and we dearly loved her. Those who are thinking of adopting a Chow - think of the older ones, the beautiful black ones. Study the breed before you adopt and save a Chow soul. You will be justly rewarded, justly loved, justly protected by this Chow being.
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Re: Tess & Me

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I imagine it feels odd, no matter what site you visit. As I type, I look over to my little boogers, and you cannot. That is the pain of it all. I think you have some great stories and alot of knowledge to share, and you are always welcome to do so at our site. We have several members who have had Chows in the past, but not now. Zhuyos mom has a large immediate family, many who knew the love of a Chow and the pain of the loss. They too, cannot bring themselves to have another Chow because it is so painful when they inevitably cross the bridge, or maybe it is like you, that they lost their own Tess and just cannot get past it.

I really hope you and Mike can find the strength to love another lost Chow. It will not be Tess, no other ever could. But you would both love it and see your Tess in the little things...you may even find one (or one will find you) that you swear is her reincarnation. You have a big heart, so Tess left a big rip in it when she had to leave. It takes time to heal. Don't despair. I think the fates are not done with you yet.
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Re: Tess & Me

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It was a warm and sunshiny day today. I checked on the mound (I check about three times a day) and I have a gazillion wild blue flax plants popping up. I am going to have a glorious mound of blue with the lupins that are popping thru. I walked to our mail box - one mile down - one mile up. Nothing there but the walk was beautiful. There is a wonderful view of Therrialt Pass from a meadow - I saw "scar" a doe that was somehow injured in the winter and she has healed. I said a few words to her. She stayed just a few minutes - she didn't run off - just ambled away. Mike and I were sitting on the porch this afternoon. Tess was brought up. Mike wishes the memories of her death would go forever from his mind. We remember her often. Sometimes I cry. We loved her so. In the late night I stay up. I hear Mike snoring - he says doesn't snore but he does. Sometimes I swear I can hear Tess deeply breathing in between his snores. My Tessie, my girl, the memories warm my heart, but the heart break I feel of the loss of you will remain.
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Re: Tess & Me

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Whoa, whoa, jealous me. Don’t know if anyone has had this experience; we had our neighbors Janie and Marvin over and Tess paid more attention to Janie than she paid me. She started chewing on Janie's clothes to get her attention. Janie really didn’t mind at all. Then when Janie and Marvin walked home Tess followed them! I was really feeling ignored! I was discreetly following behind them. Before she got to the “down-road” she turned to return home to me.
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Re: Tess & Me

Post by AmberLea »

Such a beautiful tale of your journey with Tess, you really should commit this to paper and have it published.

I love reading your memories with Tess.

Thank you for sharing this. xx
The heart of a Chow cannot be taken by storm, but once given is yours forever...
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Re: Tess & Me

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My dear Tess I miss you so. I've been to the creek three times to clean it. I remembered you when I was at the little waterfall - I was arranging the rocks, cleaning out the moss and there you were, rearranging the rocks with me. I took my bear spray the first time, but left it at the cabin after that. We had great winds since you passed. The creek looks different with the old trees fallen beside. When I concentrate on the creek, not lifting my head it looks the same. I tried sitting beside your grave but it is so hard. I know your spirit is in the woods. In the late evening - the times we spent together, you and I, I hear your breathing. The wild blue flax has made it's way thru the earth. We gathered the seeds together, you and I. Matt was here a couple of months ago. or so The first thing he did when he got here was go to your grave. He is in Maine now, another adventure for "our boy" - you would be so proud - we did a good job, you, me and Mike. My dear sweet Tess, my heart still aches for the loss of you.
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Re: Tess & Me

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I really know best not to look, but every now and then, maybe once a month, maybe twice I check in as a visitor. Today, I just thought I would check in & I saw that "Black Dog" had died. At first I was appalled. The tears streamed down my face, thinking that this poor beautiful Black Chow had died all alone. How no one went to his side. How no one tried to bring him in. Then I thought of Tess. How she chose us. How she went into an open gate and into our garage to sit at Michael's side. Tess had no hope as a feral dog in Los Angeles County. She would have surely died if she didn't make that decision. Then I realized that "Black Dog" had made the decision to be free. I joined Michael outside, I was sill crying. I walked to the wildflower garden that I made out of wild blue flax I didn't want him to see me crying although it was obvious, he didn't say a word. I was surely calmed, realizing that “ Black Dog” was truely cared for. That he made his own pack out of a neighborhood. He was the Alfa & the protector.

I miss my Tess so very much. Early in the Spring we gathered wild rose petals along our dirt road. I couldn't do that this season. I thought that I would gather the wild rose petals at Lake Koocanusa instead. I told Mike that we would go and he could fish and I would gather the petals. We were a little too late. There were very few rose petals there and Mike didn't catch any fish. So we went to the old apple orchard that over looked Eureka & the Lake Koocanusa. There were several old wild rose bushes. We both gathered the wild rose petals, although Mike thought it was a bit gay - but I reminded him of rose petal cranberry sauce that I would make and he disappeared for the bushes less accessible. We got enough for 6 pints of rose water.

I don't make my morning and evening walks. I only make my noon time walks. I would never think of bring Tess out under the hot noon day sun. I still see a remnant of her trail going over to Walt's creek. I pause there thinking of my beautiful Black Tessy, waiting for her to return to me.

Matt is in Boston, enjoying the fireworks at the Boston Common. Wendy is in Southern California. She wants to come up here. She has a break in college classes due to the California financial problems. She said she wanted to bring me another Chow. I told her to bring another beautiful black older chow girl. We joked about it, what could Daddy say. One beautiful wonderful black Chow-being once made her way into my heart. Tess could have been “Black Chow’s” sister, she would be around “17 “ years old by now. Their eyes are hauntingly the same. My sweet, sweet Tess. You will always remain my sole mate. No other could ever replace you.
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Re: Tess & Me

Post by Auddymay »

I kind of hope she does spring one on you. Brian did that to me with Pippy after I lost my Boxer Bud. I didn't want another, but poor Haley was basically petless, and that is no way to go through a childhood. I was resentful for awhile, and then my neighbor took her for a ride (I believe, but had no proof). She was missing 2 months, when an ad with her description was in the paper. Oddly enough, the person who had her shared a mutual friend with me. At that point, I had to decide if I was bringing her home, because the people who had her would have been happy to keep her. In the end, she was Haley's dog, and I just had to open my heart again. I took her home and never regretted it for a moment. I hope the same thing can happen for you.
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Re: Tess & Me

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What nice parents - a lucky Chow! and a long life. My last Chow - Bandit was 13 yrs. when he got really sick and was gone in about 10 days - so he didn't suffer long - thank goodness! I wish you the best days ahead with Tess and love her up to the fullest. I hope it gives you peace for the nice life you are giving her - & lots of time to enjoy her yet to the end. What a wonderful way to tell us the story - Thank you for that.
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Re: Tess & Me

Post by Trooper »

I should have read on further - My sympathies - I lost Bandit last year Mother's Day - couldn't stand the lonliness. I now have Trooper and waited only about 2 1/2 months. I just couldn't help myself - what a wonderful decision - Trooper is the centre of our universe and the best thing we did for ourselves - I hope you find comfort in your sharing of Tess and hopefully will have the chance to give another beautiful life to another when the time is right for you.
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