Now that Berkley is gone...

[wallacethegreat]

...is it too soon to think about getting another Chow?
I know Berks has only been gone a little more than a week, but it seems so empty here now and I miss him so much.
Grief is such a weird thing. I was just wondering if any of you had any advice on what YOU did when you lost your Chow...
Laura Mac

[Jeff&Peks]

"...is it too soon to think about getting another Chow? "

No, so which one did you want, the one you sent me a picture of in South Central or Elvis?

I doubt the one in South central is still alive but I can check, I just need the info again. I have everything to ship left over from Onyx so its just the flight ticket.

[wallacethegreat]

Jeff...check out the two Chows I just posted under "Chows Needing a Home". They're right up the road from me in Santa Fe (50 miles and they're FREE), but the lady wants to keep them together since they're 6 year old litter mates.
I'm also seriously looking at a 5 month old blue pup in Colorado. But...somehow it seems a little disrespectful to Berks. I don't know. I don't know what to do.

[Laura]

When I lost Kody last summer I got Shug within a week. I was so devastated the only thing I could think was that I had to have a Chow and I had to have it NOW or I was going to go insane! Kody was my only dog and I knew his time was coming months in advance but I was a wreck. Getting Shug helped...but it did not relieve my grief. You can't replace 14.5 years and the love of my life. There is no fix for that of course, but it did help...the distraction...a new one to love and occupy my time. I think it is different for each person. I had to have another immediately...some wait weeks, months, years before they are ready so it's whatever YOU want to do. What feels right to you and only you (and your family) that matters. I still grieve and miss Kody every single day of my life but I have two babies who give me untold joy and I am blessed to have them as I was blessed to have Kody.

[CoraP.]

No, I don't think it's too early. It is so lonely without them. As you know, another chow would never replace Berkley, Wallace, or any of your other buddies BUT... there are so many out there who need a good home and yours would definitely be a good one. Whatever you decide, best of luck, and keep us posted!

[Laura]

But...somehow it seems a little disrespectful to Berks. I don't know. I don't know what to do.

I felt the same way...that it was disrespectful somehow to Kody. I felt guilty...but honestly Berks would want you to be happy and you aren't betraying him by saving another...you are honoring him.

[wallacethegreat]

Thank you for that, Laura. I hadn't thought about it that way.
I haven't talked seriously with Randy about getting another Chow...well, maybe just brought it up briefly, but he wasn't happy. He always thought having 5 dogs was too much, but I think he let me get Berks because he knew how much I hurt after I lost Wally. The thing is, I think he surprised himself at how much he misses Berks now. Berks was one of those characters that just weaseled his way into your heart. Randy waited three years after losing his Fred before he got Lucy...the Anatolian who became Berks' girlfriend.
I just miss having a Chow in my life. As I told Paula, I love my other critters to pieces, but they're not Chows.
Laura Mac

[Jeff&Peks]

Jeff...check out the two Chows I just posted under "Chows Needing a Home". They're right up the road from me in Santa Fe (50 miles and they're FREE), but the lady wants to keep them together since they're 6 year old litter mates.
I'm also seriously looking at a 5 month old blue pup in Colorado. But...somehow it seems a little disrespectful to Berks. I don't know. I don't know what to do.

If your going to take both of them then I would say go for it but as long as those two have been together it could be devasting for both of them if separated so if you separate them you might be looking at some health and temperament problems and the extreme problem would be one dieing from the lose of the other a month after you get him, i doubt it but it has happened. But one or both is better then the shelter and being offered for free makes things even worse, who knows where one or both could wind up. If you talk to the person tell them to drop the free add unless she is real careful with who takes them.

[wallacethegreat]

That's the problem. If I get really lucky with Randy, I might be able to get ONE more. I couldn't take both.

[jacqui]

Laura,
you have such a big heart and I think you have so much love to give a new chow or chowling.
no one can ever replace our lost babies but the new ones help us to keep our minds and our hearts busy.
I know theres a little chowboy out there just waiting for you

[chris]

[quote="Laura]but honestly Berks would want you to be happy and you aren't betraying him by saving another...you are honoring him.[/quote]

EXACTLY what Laura said.

I had 1 chow, then 2 at the same time, then Grizz passed on and I had 1 left. Thor. Then 2 or so years later he passed on. I was devistated, but I wanted another chow so bad. My X didn't. He was done, he was so sosososo devistated over the loss of Thor he still to this day doesn't want another chow or dog for that matter. But we all handle devistation in our own way. Now, I have Steel, and I got him about .. ummmm... probably 4 months or so after Thor passed on. I just can't imagine my life without a chow in it now. My next Chow, I am going to rescue.

[chowchowdaddy]

I think that knowing when to bring another chow into a home is a very personal thing. When we lost Chia, our first, we were devastated. But, we had Ming to help us through our sorrow. Then, Ming went into mourning for his friend and, after a couple of months, he had become the world's laziest chow (and, he was only two years old!!!). He would lay at the top of our huge winding staircase on the balcony which surounded our foyer, staring out the huge window over the double doors and would bark at someone going by on the street (we live on a small cul-de-sac, only 5 homes) and when he barked, he wouldn't even bother to lift his head!!! Now, that's lazy, or way too sad. So, when a friend convinced me to go to a dog show (the first ever in my life), I met some really wonderful chow people who somehow fixed me up with someone and, voila, a couple of months later, we got Tempest! And, the two of them became instant friends and are pretty much inseparable now (OK, a couple of dust-ups, always initiated by Tempest and always when chicken was somehow involved...).

Anyway, getting back to where this was supposed to go, we just sort of KNEW when it was right. A friend of mine lost her poodle (OK, so we can't all have good taste) to cancer and got another rescue poodle (at least her heart's in the right place) two days later. She said that the house was too empty and she would walk in and just cry because it was so lonely.

You'll know in your heart when you're ready. Berks was a special boy and, of course, you'll never be able to replace him, but he'd also want you to open your heart and give another chow a loving forever home, too...

[wallacethegreat]

Berkley is coming home from the crematorium tomorrow. It's as if the wound opens all over again.

[jacqui]

it is very difficult to go pick up the ashes I always start crying all over(I don't think I ever stopped really).
but I always get a beautiful marble urn and I have all my angels and my chows pictures with their urn.
I am always happy to have them back home with me.
I'm so sorry Laura.

[ChowLady]

Its upsetting when one picks them up, but at the same time I think, well they are now back home with us. Here they come home in lovely urns, they have their photo's on the front and you choose the color, for Catbalou its cornflower blue with pearl finish and with Teisha the urn is a lovely pink. I have put them both on my mantel in the lounge room so that way they can see out the big front window where they use to like to lay and watch the world go past. People may think I am silly but thats just me, and I talk to them each day.
Also I think that Berkley will lead you to the right chow and you will know the one, as I am sure wallace led you to Berkley.
As you will also know when the time is right when you find the chow.
Kathy[/color]

[CoraP.]

I was very anxious to get Bear back home. When his ashes came, I went right over and got them. The people at the vets office didn't think I would come so quickly because it was right before Christmas. I felt relief to get him home where he belonged. I wish you peace and a new beginning when the time is right.

[WildThings]

There is definitely no set amount of time you have to wait before getting another. When my family lost our first chow Zoe we were completely devastated. My dad swore no more dogs, no room for argument, he wasn't doing it again. Then Tess found us...a week after we lost Zoe . He went from no more dogs ever, to "I found a dog, I'm bringing it home." Tess could never replace Zoe, we didn't want her too...but Tess did something else that we really needed. She needed us so much, and needed so much work that she provided a distraction that we needed. Instead of coming home and seeing the emptiness that Zoe left in the house, Tess was there. She needed people to feed her, take her outside, work on cutting mats out of her fur. She had never learned anything, so we worked on teaching obedience, manners, etc. The idea that she needed us was enough to help us move on past the grief.

What it really comes down to is, if you feel like you are ready, then you probably are. Berkley would want you to help another chow, or another dog for that matter, the way you helped him.

[bananananny]

When we lost our chow Maya I was devasted. We had adopted her with her "sister", a shepherd/beagle mix and her sister missed her a lot too. I cried every day for her for the first 6 months, then almost every day for the next 6 months. But that didn't stop me from realizing a month after Maya was gone that I had room at my house to help another dog. And so I adopted a special needs chow mix. She helped me and our other dog get through some tough days so I never regreted it. You'll know what's comfortable for you. And I was always glad to get their ashes home where they belonged, right next to our bed. Hope you find peace.

[wallacethegreat]

I am still waiting for Berks to come home. I called the crematorium today, but didn't get to talk to anybody. He's been gone for two weeks now and just wish he could come home.
Also, I have to go into the hospital on Monday for surgery; my 5th major back surgery in about 4 years...another herniated disk. I suppose I'll be out of commission for at least two weeks and won't be driving. All this really puts a stop on a new Chow, at least for now.
In addition, I'm really having trouble with my husband letting me do it at all. He doesn't want me to get another dog of ANY kind, so it's gotten kind of ugly lately. He says, "What's wrong with the three dogs you already have?" I said, "Nothing...they're just not a Chow."
I know that some of you have similar problems with your spouses and getting another Chow, but if you have any suggestions, I really need them.
I still miss my Berks SO much. It's as though he was here one minute and gone the next....

[jacqui]

oh Laura,
I'm sorry that Berkley isn't back home with you yet and sorry to hear about your up coming surgery
and as for your husband,maybe hes hurting too about losing 2 chowbabies so close together.
not to worry,after your surgery when you are feeling up to it maybe he'll give into your wish for another chow.I mean hasn't he realized that a chow isn't another dog